Damaging Social Fabric

The institution of marriage, once considered sacred in Kashmir, is facing a massive crisis in the present time as divorce rates are soaring, surpassing the number of wedding feasts (Wazwans) that people enjoy to celebrate the ostentatious ceremonies.

The very fabric of Kashmiri culture and traditions, deeply rooted in religious and social ethos, is eroding at a rapid pace. This shift not only threatens the societal structure but also raises critical concerns about the mental and emotional well-being of women in the Valley.

Traditionally, marriage in Kashmir was an institution based on mutual respect, shared responsibilities, and a deep commitment to family values. However, in recent years, a stark transformation has been observed. More Kashmiri men are prioritizing independence and global exploration, embracing modernity outside home while maintaining rigid control within the family sphere. This contrast is creating an unprecedented rift between husbands and wives, manifesting in silent dinner tables where women are left to eat alone, waiting for absent partners.

Many Kashmiri men indulge in cultural luxuries—such as feasting on mutton tuji (skewered meat) and engaging in social gatherings—while failing to acknowledge or address the sufferings of their own spouses. This stark contrast between men’s privileges and women’s struggles highlights the deep-seated gender inequality in Kashmiri society. This growing disconnect is not just a private matter—it is a widespread phenomenon that has deeply embedded itself into the socio-cultural fabric of Kashmir. The paradox of men seeking a modern lifestyle while subjugating their wives to traditional constraints is fostering resentment, leading to an increase in separations and divorces.

Marriage, which was once a pillar of stability, has become a battlefield of conflicting ideologies. The collapse of marital harmony in Kashmir is contributing to an escalating health crisis among women. Depression, stress-related illnesses, heart conditions, and other psychological disorders are rampant.

Hospitals across Kashmir are facing an overwhelming increase in female patients suffering from mental health issues. The consumption of prescription drugs, antidepressants and stress-related medications has skyrocketed over the last decade. Alarmingly, 90% of these medications are consumed by Kashmiri women, highlighting the depth of their distress.

Marriage, rather than being a source of companionship and emotional support, has turned into a cause of anxiety for many women. The absence of a supportive partner, coupled with societal expectations, leaves them struggling with loneliness, emotional abuse, and societal pressures. The situation is so grave that it poses a more significant threat than even drug abuse, which itself has been a growing concern in the valley.

One of the biggest causes of this crisis is the growing ideological clash between men and women. On one hand, Kashmiri men want to experience modernity, travel, and explore the world. On the other hand, they continue to impose outdated patriarchal expectations upon their wives. This contradiction is leading to a situation where men demand freedom for themselves while denying the same to their spouses. This oppressive dynamic is pushing women into a state of perpetual dissatisfaction, anxiety, and emotional turmoil. Despite significant advancements in women’s rights across the world, Kashmiri women continue to face systemic oppression, domestic abuse, and societal injustices that hinder their freedom and dignity.

It is high time that society, religious clerics, and legal institutions come together to end this deep-rooted oppression and give women the equal rights and respect they rightfully deserve.

Women in Kashmir are increasingly becoming educated, aware, and financially independent. They aspire for equal participation in marriage, expecting mutual respect and understanding. However, when met with resistance and regressive attitudes, they find themselves trapped in marriages that neither fulfill them nor allow them to grow. This results in more women seeking divorce, and in cases where they choose to stay, they suffer silently, burdened by emotional distress. The failure of marriages in Kashmir is not merely a domestic issue; it is a social catastrophe that demands urgent intervention. NGOs, women’s rights groups, and the government must take proactive steps to address this crisis before it spirals further out of control.

It’s unfortunate but true that many women continue to stay in toxic marriages due to social stigma and lack of financial security. The mindset that men should have unchallenged freedom while women remain bound by traditional constraints needs to change. Educational institutions, religious leaders, and community elders should work towards promoting gender justice within families. The rapid breakdown of marriages in Kashmir is not just a personal issue confined to individual households; it is a crisis that threatens the entire social structure.

The growing gap between the expectations of men and women is causing irreparable damage to families, leaving children without stable homes and women without emotional security.
If the divorce rate keeps on rising the very foundation of Kashmiri society will be at risk. It is time for collective action to save the institution of marriage in the Valley and, more importantly, to protect the women who bear the brunt of this crisis.
Religious clerics hold immense influence in Kashmiri society, shaping public opinion and moral standards. It is their responsibility to use this influence to promote gender justice rather than reinforcing outdated patriarchal norms. They must step forward and openly condemn domestic abuse, dowry harassment, and the mistreatment of women by their in-laws.

Their sermons should emphasize the equality and dignity of women, urging men to fulfill their duties as compassionate husbands, brothers, and fathers.

Sheikh Khalid Jehangir writes for Greater Kashmir on Politics, Defence Education & Strategic affairs and is presently heading International Centre for Peace Studies, New Delhi.