You are not a report card

“The day a woman decides she is enough as she is, half of society’s power over her breaks.”

In our society, a woman is expected to be everything to everyone – a perfect daughter, an ideal wife, a super mother, a dutiful daughter-in-law, a caring friend, a responsible employee. She is the one who remembers birthdays, cooks meals, manages school timings, adjusts with in-laws, keeps peace at home, and still smiles in front of the world. Yet, in the middle of all these roles, one person slowly disappears: the woman herself. We loudly discuss women’s education, women’s rights, women’s empowerment – but we whisper, or completely ignore, one crucial reality: women’s mental health. A woman’s mind is the quiet centre on which entire families, and sometimes whole communities, turn. And unfortunately, it is the most neglected part of her existence.

From a very young age, many girls are trained to believe that their worth lies in how well they manage other people’s expectations. If she keeps her house clean and organised, she is mocked as having “OCD”. If she cannot manage everything perfectly, she is quickly labelled mannerless and careless. If she stays quiet, she is called manhoos, boring, dull. If she dares to speak up or laugh freely, suddenly she becomes bawakoof, badtameez, or “too talkative”. If she hesitates to answer every question, she is called dumb; if she answers confidently, she is stamped zabaan daraaz and accused of having “too much tongue”. If she covers her face and tries to live modestly and be closer to her faith, people say she is “showing off” her Islam. But if she dresses well and enjoys fashion, she is branded bayhaya. In short, whatever she does, someone somewhere is ready with a label. This constant judgement is not just unfair – it is cruel. It chips away at her confidence, her peace, and her mental health. It slowly teaches her that she will never be “enough”, and that her only job in life is to keep proving herself to people who will never be satisfied.

But here is a truth every woman needs to write on her heart: Allah has not sent you into this world to please people. You are not here to submit a report card to harsh and cruel judges around you. These people will always find some reason to give you a zero, no matter how much you sacrifice, no matter how many times you hurt yourself to make them happy. So why waste your precious life trying to impress those who are determined not to see your worth? Your first responsibility is towards Allah, and then towards yourself. When you take care of your mind and heart, you are not being selfish – you are being wise, responsible, and honest with the amanah (trust) Allah has given you.

Women are often the emotional backbone of their families. They are the ones who wake up early, who remember everyone’s needs, who absorb everyone’s moods, who silently bear worries so others can smile. They are the shock absorbers of the home. But what happens when this emotional backbone is exhausted, cracked, and tired? A woman carrying constant stress, hurt, and unspoken anger will naturally feel irritated, drained, and empty. Without realising it, she may start snapping at her children, feeling negative towards her spouse or in–laws, losing interest in her own dreams, and ignoring her health – headaches, sleepless nights, body pains, anxiety, tears that come without reason. This is not because she is a bad mother or a bad wife; it is because her mind is overloaded. We cannot raise positive, confident children from a mind that is constantly bruised and burdened. A healthy mother is far more important than a “perfect” mother who is dying inside. Jab aap ho to family hai – when you are well, only then does your family truly exist as a happy, living unit.

Every woman needs to make one firm, unshakable decision in her heart: “I am important. My mental health matters.” This is not arrogance; this is survival, self-respect, and dignity. And respecting yourself does not always begin with big, dramatic changes – it often starts with small, beautiful rituals of self-love that quietly tell your heart, “I matter too.” Pour yourself a cup of tea in your favourite cup and sip it without guilt, as if you, too, deserve a peaceful moment in your own home – because you do. Serve your favourite food on the best plate in the house, instead of saving all beauty only for guests. Even if you have just ten rupees in your pocket, allow yourself a tiny treat – a biscuit, a chocolate, a pen, a flower – a gentle reminder that you also deserve joy. Take a short walk alone, breathe deeply, look up at the sky, and step away – even for a few minutes – from the noise of criticism and negativity. Read words that soothe your heart, listen to things that heal rather than hurt, and most importantly, learn to say “no” to people and conversations that drain you. These are not selfish acts; they are powerful statements that say: I respect my mind, I honour my peace, and I choose to love myself.

Many women secretly carry guilt if they are not constantly available to everyone – children, husband, in-laws, relatives, neighbours. They believe a “good woman” must always say yes, must always adjust, must always stay quiet. They learn to put themselves last, and sometimes not at all. But here is the harsh reality: if you collapse tomorrow, the same people might say you were weak or “too emotional”. So instead of destroying yourself to meet everyone’s expectations, learn to balance your duties with self-respect and self-care. Fulfill your responsibilities as much as you can. Do what Allah has asked you to do with sincerity, not with fear of people. At the same time, accept that you are allowed to be tired, allowed to rest, allowed to say, “I need a break.” You are allowed to be human.

Those hurtful labels – manhoos, bayhaya, zabaandaraaz, dumb, bawakoof – are not your identity. They are weapons used by people who feel threatened when a woman starts valuing herself. Do not hand them the power to define you. Instead, quietly ask yourself: What does Allah think of me? Am I kind? Am I honest? Am I trying my best, even if I am not perfect? Am I taking care of the body and mind that Allah has given me as a trust? If the answer is yes – if you are sincerely trying – then you are already doing more than enough.

To every woman reading this, whether you are a homemaker, a working professional, a student, a widow, a single mother, or a daughter-in-law fighting silent battles: you are not a report card to be marked by society. You are not a robot programmed to serve everyone 24/7. You are not a punching bag for others’ frustrations. You are a human being with a heart that feels deeply, a mind that gets tired, and a soul that deserves peace. Take care of your mental health deliberately and proudly. Cherish small joys. Protect your mind from unnecessary criticism and toxic comparisons. Reach out for help if you feel overwhelmed – to a trusted friend, a counsellor, or someone who will listen without judgement. Above all, love yourself for the sake of Allah. When you honour the life He has given you, you honour Him.

When a woman’s mind is cared for, her children feel safer, her home feels calmer, her decisions become clearer, and her own heart finally breathes. Dear women, you are the pullers of your families – but you are so much more than that. You are worthy, you are significant, and you matter, just as you are.

Nazia Qureshi, with a postgraduate degree in History and Sociology, has worked in a prestigious Kashmir based school as a teacher.