Understanding Child Behaviour

I was genuinely shocked and disturbed by a recent conversation with a friend whose story throws light on modern parenting challenges. His own son, being denied an iphone attacked him and attempted to cause serious harm.The friend who had dedicated everything to raise his child was left utterly broken by this violent response.

Sadly, such incidents, where children exhibit dangerous levels of disrespect and aggression toward parents and elders are no longer isolated events, they are becoming a disturbing routine.

This surge in abnormal behaviour is an urgent societal alarm and it is our collective responsibility to understand and address the roots of this growing hostility in our children. If we fail to intervene now, the unchecked rise of these destructive behaviours will inevitably make our family and social environments unbearable and hostile to live in.

It is time to move beyond mere shock and dedicate ourselves to understanding child behaviour problems and solutions before these crises escalate further.

Many children in homes and classrooms are carrying emotions, they can’t name, needs they can’t express, and frustrations they can’t control. These internal struggles surface as behaviours that adults are quick to label as discipline or disrespect and the result is predictable and ineffective, blame, punishment or dismissal. We must remember that behind every challenging action lies a story that deserves to be heard.

A worrying thing is the rise of profound attachment difficulties in children, leading many to isolate themselves and struggle to form healthy bonds. These children often push back against social norms, exhibiting a tendency to blame others rather than own their actions.

Children are falling prey to addiction due to absence of internal guidance. Lacking critical skill of self direction.They are highly vulnerable to every passing impulse or craving which quickly takes over their days and dictates their actions.

There is a psychological evidence that indicates that children become violent due to exposure to television movies, internet games and social media which are full of subliminal messages; subconsciously they become aggressive. When an opportunity comes, the pent up anger comes out. Most of them are isolated because of nuclear families and working parents. There is no control even from the school management because they don’t put much effort to understand the psychological needs of children.

The increasing instability in many homes often characterised by parental conflicts, and absence of a stable and disciplined life has a devastating impact on children. It acts as a breeding ground where children adopt numerous harmful behavioural traits.

A significant cause for abnormal behaviour is when parents impose their personal will on children, often pushing them beyond their inherent capacity and natural interests. The constant pressure creates deep frustration. By being forced to act against their own will and abilities, children feel compelled to live a life that isn’t their own, leading directly to behavioural issues and distress.

Solutions 

Addressing the crisis in child behaviour demands immediate unified action. Parents, teachers and community elders must urgently step forward and make concerted efforts to implement solutions, thereby ensuring child’s well being and preventing further disruption to the family environment.

We must adopt a deliberate and active approach to solve these complex behavioural problems, accidental solutions simply don’t exist. A common mistake is to react emotionally. When our children are highly emotional and we reciprocate with our own emotional intensity, we get pulled into their chaos. This response fails to provide the security and stable foundation they desperately need. Instead of helping, this poor reaction can actually worsen the problem making genuine bonding and solution finding impossible. So understanding how a problem is solved is really vital.

In dealing with behavioural issues, choosing to remain calm is an active decision to maintain cognitive function. This calm response allows a person to do all the necessary thinking and planning rather than collapsing into emotion.

While addressing behavioural issues, consistency is non negotiable. Reacting to a child’s behaviour one way today and different way tomorrow creates deep confusion and insecurity. If your parenting lacks predictable consistency your child will learn to exploit this instability. They will manipulate the situation and constantly seek new ways to emotionally destabilise and push your boundaries. To prevent it there is a need to maintain a steady plan and follow through it without fail.

To build a strong family unit, establish a shared family vision. Meet regularly to discuss future plans and goals, always allowing children to contribute their ideas and aspirations.

To effectively manage and correct aggressive behaviour in classrooms, schools must prioritize securing the support of counsellors and specialised trained teachers.The goal is to make the child fully aware of the inappropriate nature of their actions.Swift and appropriate action must be taken to address and redirect these deviant behaviours

Effective parenting requires a conscious shift away from destructive interaction, such as constantly attacking, pointing figures and placing blame.Equally counterproductive are emotional outbursts and excessive lecturing.Instead, parents should focus on replacing these negative habits with positive communication, prioritising morale boosting and actively sharing constructive, positive thoughts.

A powerful method of encouraging desired behaviour is through positive reinforcement. Always be quick to recognise and reward good behaviour.This includes immediate, sincere praise and tangible rewards like favourite food or tea.If your children behave well tell them how pleased you are.

Always act in a way that you genuinely believe is right for your child, yourself and your family. If you do something you don’t fully commit to or don’t feel is correct, it is highly unlikely to be effective. Children notice when you don’t mean what you are saying.

Finally the most critical ingredient is unwavering commitment. Believe fully in your efforts and maintain deep sense of optimism, never abandon the hope of mending your child’s behaviour. This journey requires perseverance, so feel empowered to seek help from counselors,health visitors and religious leaders. Your sustained efforts will undoubtedly yield positive results, provided you never give up.

Ghulam Quadir Jeelani, educator at Govt Model Hr Sec School Zoohama