Unburden your child

Every summer, when board exam results are announced, thousands of homes across Kashmir are filled with nervous energy. Some families celebrate; others quietly console. Tragically, a teenage girl from the Odura Nillow area of south Kashmir’s Kulgam district was found dead, shortly after she learnt that she hadn’t cleared the Class 12 exams whose results were declared by the Jammu and Kashmir Board of School Education (JKBOSE) on Wednesday. The death is believed to be suicide, driven by her inability to bear the weight of her disappointment and her family’s expectations.

There are no words strong enough for this kind of heartbreak. No marks, or result should ever cost a life. Yet, this isn’t the first time. And if we don’t change the way we treat exam results, it won’t be the last. It is time we rethink our exam system, where a set of numbers can make a child feel worthless? Where scoring less than expected becomes a reason to believe they’ve failed not just an exam, but their parents, their future, their very right to be?

Life doesn’t begin or end with the 10th or 12th grade. If you ask adults today, professionals, artists, workers, most won’t even remember what they scored. What shaped their lives were chances, choices, setbacks, support, and perseverance.

But we rarely say that to our children. Instead, we put a burden of our own expectations on them. We celebrate toppers publicly and mourn poor results privately, as if a child’s worth is measured by marks. We forget to tell them: you are more than your grades.

So, parents have a huge responsibility. They have to both unlearn and relearn how to bring up a child. They need to understand that the child doesn’t need their applause when they do well nearly as much as they need your arms when they don’t. If there is one message that needs repeating, it is this: Your love is not conditional. Your child does not need to earn it with marks. So, let’s stop making the results into verdicts. Let’s stop letting exams define children’s worth. Let’s tell every child: no matter what your marks are, you matter. You are enough.Because no exam, no number, should ever make a child feel unloved, unseen, or alone.