The Perils of Comfort

In the rapidly evolving landscape of contemporary society, the way we raise our children is undergoing profound transformations. With each generation, the balance between providing comfort and fostering resilience becomes increasingly delicate. While we strive to shield our children from hardships, we may inadvertently strip them of the very experiences that cultivate strength, creativity, and a sense of responsibility. This dilemma is not new; it is one that philosophers have grappled with for centuries.

Aristotle, the ancient Greek philosopher, famously remarked that “the roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet.” His words echo through time, reminding us that struggle and discomfort are essential ingredients in the development of character. When we provide every comfort to our children without requiring them to earn it, we risk depriving them of the opportunity to appreciate the value of effort and the worth of money. This lack of appreciation can lead to a sense of entitlement and a disconnection from the realities of life—a disconnection that can manifest in troubling ways.

Today, we witness a growing trend of young people drifting toward destructive behaviours such as drug abuse, violence, and other social maladies. The absence of struggle in their upbringing may play a significant role in this phenomenon. Jean-Jacques Rousseau, in his seminal work Emile, argued that “the man who has lived the most is not he who has counted the most years but he who has most felt life.” This feeling of life, born out of challenges and struggles, is essential for personal growth. Without it, youth may seek out artificial means to experience life, leading them down dark and dangerous paths.

In response to these concerns, there is a pressing need for educational institutions to integrate part-time skill-building activities into their curricula. By engaging students in practical tasks that offer financial incentives, we can instil a sense of the value of money and the rewards of hard work. This approach aligns with John Dewey's philosophy of education, which emphasizes “learning through doing.” Dewey believed that education should prepare individuals for life by engaging them in real-world experiences that develop their abilities and character.

However, as we embrace modern technology, we must be cautious of its impact on our children's cognitive and creative development. While technology offers many advantages, it also poses significant risks to the nurturing of critical thinking and creativity. Where once children learned to solve problems by counting pebbles or drawing lines, today they simply command a device for the answer.

This shift represents a loss of hands-on, experiential learning, which is crucial for developing deep understanding and innovative thinking. In contemporary times, the early introduction of cell phones to infants has become alarmingly common, leading to the development of habits that can negatively impact their cognitive growth.

Studies have shown that excessive screen time during critical developmental periods can hinder language acquisition, attention span, and social skills. Moreover, the reliance on mobile devices as a form of distraction or entertainment for infants can replace crucial face-to-face interactions, which are essential for emotional bonding and cognitive development.

Compounding this issue is the increasing shift towards using babysitters and digital devices as primary caregivers, which can further deprive children of the nurturing and consistent parental interaction necessary for their overall development.

The influence of technology reaches far beyond the realm of social interactions, significantly altering foundational habits such as reading. The noticeable decline in book and newspaper readership among the youth is a cause for concern. In our pursuit of convenience, we have exchanged the rich, immersive experience of traditional reading for the quick, superficial consumption of digital content.

This transition not only hampers the development of critical thinking skills in our children but also weakens their ability to maintain sustained attention—a crucial asset for achieving success in both academic and professional domains. Moreover, society seems to be caught in a relentless race to keep up with others, driven by the mind-set that if one child achieves something, others must follow suit.

This phenomenon is reminiscent of past trends in Kashmir, where the opening of an STD/PCO shop by one person led to a flood of similar businesses, or the overwhelming pressure to pursue careers in medicine and engineering, leading to the stigmatization of those who did not pass the J & K Common Entrance Test.

Such societal pressures often disregard the unique talents and interests of individuals. If a child shows a natural inclination towards a particular field, why should we stifle that passion? Our cultural heritage in Kashmir is rich with creativity and literary potential, and it is imperative that we recognize and nurture these talents from a young age.

Eminent figures like Dr. Aziz Hajini (Former Secretary of JKAACL; May Allah have Mercy upon his Soul) and, Mr. Himayun Qaiser (The Former Director of Radio Kashmir), have long advocated for this approach (Catch them Young), understanding the importance of identifying and cultivating the creative and intellectual strengths within our youth. By doing so, we can ensure that our children not only excel in their chosen paths but also contribute meaningfully to the cultural and intellectual fabric of our society.

Another critical issue is the reinforcement of gender stereotypes through the toys and activities we encourage for our children. The belief that kitchen sets are for girls while doctor or astronaut sets are for boys perpetuates outdated notions of gender roles. Simone de Beauvoir, in The Second Sex, challenged these stereotypes, arguing that, “women are not born but made through societal expectations.

” In today's world, where girls and boys achieve the same professional heights, it's crucial to transcend these outdated beliefs and instil habits of self-sufficiency. Children learn through the biological process of “imprinting,” where they easily mimic their parents' actions. When a father shares domestic responsibilities with his wife, their son is likely to emulate this behaviour. Assisting one's wife with household chores is a neglected Sunnah, yet even mothers often hesitate to teach basic household skills to their sons, fearing it may diminish their dignity in society.

In this way, as parents and educators, we often fail to inculcate essential social and ethical values in our children irrespective of gender. The importance of visiting relatives, engaging in face-to-face conversations, and showing respect for elders are values that are increasingly lost in the digital age. Philosopher Immanuel Kant emphasized the importance of moral education, arguing that, “it is not enough to teach children knowledge; we must also teach them to act according to ethical principles”. In today's world, where mobile phones dominate social interactions, this moral education is more critical than ever.

In contemporary culture, there is a tendency to view 18-year-old wards as still too young to manage household chores. This belief undermines their independence and self-sufficiency. Reflecting on my own upbringing, I recall how my mother instilled in me the importance of managing the academic, social and household responsibilities from a young age. Today, after achieving the heights in both educational and research pursuits, I am able to balance my professional, social and domestic duties—a testament to the valuable lessons my mother imparted.

Equally influential was my father, who instilled in me the courage to confront challenges head-on, teaching me that every obstacle is an opportunity in disguise. His lessons were not just about facing difficulties but about transforming them into stepping stones for growth and success. Together, my parents played complementary roles in my upbringing, each contributing uniquely to the person I am today.

It’s important to recognize that both mothers and fathers hold equal responsibilities in shaping their children's futures. While it's tempting to shield children from life's hardships, doing so deprives them of the resilience and endurance they need to thrive in a challenging world. The notion of “feeding with a golden spoon” won't last forever; what will endure are the lessons of perseverance and strength that parents can instil in their children, preparing them to face life’s inevitable adversities with grace and determination.

In conclusion, the challenges of modern parenting require a careful balance between providing basic necessities and fostering resilience. By allowing our children to struggle, we equip them with the tools they need to navigate life's challenges. We must embrace the wisdom of philosophers like Aristotle, Rousseau, Dewey, de Beauvoir, and Kant, who remind us of the importance of education, moral values, and gender equality. As we move forward, let us strive to raise a generation that values effort, creativity, and responsibility—one that is prepared to face the complexities of the world with strength and integrity.

By: Dr. Moonisa Aslam Dervash earned her PhD from SKUAST-K.