The MBBS obsession and marriage market in Kashmir

Marriage in Kashmiri society has undergone significant changes over the years. For many young people today, marriage is seen less as a joyful union and more as a burden due to the excessive demands involved. The influence of social media, movies, and global exposure have also shifted perceptions of relationships. In particular, the extravagant nature of Kashmiri weddings—characterized by lavish feasts, dowry expectations, and rigid social customs—has put immense financial pressure on families.

More young women in Kashmir are now prioritizing education and careers over early marriage. They seek love, respect, and companionship—elements often missing in traditional, status-driven marriages. These marriages frequently lack emotional compatibility, leading many women to feel disconnected from their spouses. Factors like poor communication, emotional neglect, and overwhelming expectations contribute to dissatisfaction.

Before marriage, relationships are often marked by romance and emotional connection. Post-marriage, however, the burden of societal expectations, domestic responsibilities, and loss of personal freedom can erode the initial bond.

Reforming marriage norms

There is a pressing need to simplify marriage practices and reduce unnecessary customs. Families should focus on emotional compatibility rather than financial status. Couples should be encouraged to build strong communication and understand each other’s emotional needs. Education on healthy, respectful relationships is essential both before and after marriage.

The MBBS Factor and Cultural Exposure

A significant issue impacting Kashmiri society today is the pursuit of MBBS degrees abroad, particularly for women. This trend has introduced a complex set of challenges.

Exposure to liberal cultures abroad often leads young women to question traditional norms, including arranged marriages and gender roles. After spending 5–6 years abroad, many return with changed priorities, making it difficult to reintegrate into conventional marriage expectations. Delayed marriages and prolonged pre-marriage relationships have become more common.

Families often take out loans or sell property to finance overseas education, hoping for better futures. However, this financial gamble doesn’t always pay off, resulting in distress and cultural disconnection. Some students refuse to return home, leading to family disputes and mismatched marriages.

Positive Aspects and Core Challenges

Despite the challenges, there are positives. Educated women become empowered professionals and help dismantle regressive traditions like dowry and forced marriage. However, the core issue remains the lack of balance between modern exposure and traditional values. Families must provide moral and cultural grounding before sending children abroad.

The MBBS-Marriage Obsession

A troubling societal trend is the belief that only doctor girls get good marriage proposals. This has led to a rat race where parents push daughters into MBBS programs regardless of their interests or aptitude. Talented girls in other fields like engineering, business, bureaucracy or arts are undervalued.

This obsession causes mental stress and forces many girls into career paths they are not passionate about. Families exhaust financial resources for medical education, and the pressure to succeed becomes overwhelming. Upon return, these women often struggle to fit traditional marriage molds.

Shifting the mindset

We must break the MBBS-marriage link and foster career diversity. A woman’s worth should be based on her character, intelligence, and values—not just her degree. Families should prioritize compatibility in marriages over professional titles.

Traditional parenting and elder advice no longer resonate with youth immersed in social media. This generational disconnect makes it harder to guide children effectively.

The Digital Distraction

Youth are increasingly detached due to:

• Overstimulation from social media
• Addiction to virtual validation
• Lack of meaningful family communication

This detachment is dangerous. Schools rarely teach emotional intelligence or life skills. Exposure to unfiltered content and lack of real-world experience erode resilience.

The role of smart parenting

The solution lies in smart parenting. The old methods of discipline and control are ineffective in today’s digital world. Parents must:

• Reduce their own screen time
• Have casual, judgment-free conversations
• Use social media to spread balanced messages
• Teach digital discipline, not digital isolation
• Provide real-life responsibilities and alternatives

Communities, may be in masjids, social gatherings, should organize youth engagement programs, mentorships, and activities to keep them grounded.

Building emotional bonds

Parents should focus on building strong emotional connections. Children listen when they feel understood. Guidance should replace control. Encourage logical decision-making by asking questions rather than giving commands. Be their first source of information on sensitive topics to prevent reliance on social media.

Preparing for parenthood

Becoming a parent is a lifelong commitment. Many rush into it without emotional, mental, or financial readiness, creating homes full of conflict and instability. A toxic home leads to emotionally damaged children who may seek solace in drugs or crime.

Educating new parents

Couples should be educated on parenting, child psychology, and family dynamics before becoming parents. Workshops by schools, religious groups, and social organizations can prepare them. Emotional support and value-based upbringing are crucial.

The drug menace

A rise in drug abuse among youth stems from stress, peer pressure, and lack of parental guidance. Families must:

• Monitor social circles
• Offer productive alternatives
• Maintain open, safe communication

A call for intentional parenting

Kashmiri society must move from traditional to intentional and educated parenting. A peaceful home nurtures emotionally stable children, building a stronger future generation.

The consequences of bad parenting

• Emotional Damage: Anxiety, low self-esteem, and directionless lives
• Moral Collapse: Inclination toward drugs, crime, and broken relationships
• Unproductive Society: Adults with no sense of responsibility or contribution

The Solution: Responsible Parenting

Parenting must be learned and practiced with care. Teach self-discipline, gratitude, and real-life skills, not just academic excellence. Recognize each child’s individual strengths and guide them toward meaningful, purpose-driven lives.

If we don’t act now, we risk raising a generation that is digitally skilled but emotionally lost. Fixing parenting today is the only way to secure a better future.

The author is a social activist and a climate change consultant.