The Lost Childhood - greaterkashmir

Story

Rafiq and Ulfat were married and had two children, Maria and Mohsin. Rafiq’s mother, Sara, showed a strong preference for her daughter’s children over her own grandchildren, creating tension in the household. Ulfat, who had a hot temper, often clashed with Sara. One day, Ulfat visited Rafiq’s office and yelled at him in front of his colleagues, leaving him embarrassed. When he returned home, Sara shared her side of the story, further frustrating Rafiq. Eventually, Rafiq attempted suicide. Even at the hospital, Sara and Ulfat continued to argue, showing no concern for Rafiq’s condition.

After being discharged, Rafiq moved into a rented apartment, continuing to send a significant portion of his salary to his parents, who still complained. Due to sustained frictions at home, Rafiq missed the deadline for a promotion under the Career Advancement Scheme (CAS), making him junior to his younger colleagues. His work productivity dipped significantly. Despite these challenges, Rafiq remained patient and did not complain. He tried to share his concerns with his in-laws and other relatives, but no one seemed to care. They even ignored his phone calls with excuses.

Meanwhile, Ulfat decided to start working as a teacher, despite Rafiq’s concerns about their young children. Ulfat frequently visited her family on weekends without informing Rafiq, leaving the house in disarray. Rafiq often returned home to find no food and the house a mess.

When Rafiq visited his parents, his hopes for comfort and support were quickly dashed. Instead of solace, he was met with criticism. Sara responded to his struggles with harshness rather than empathy, undermining his efforts and comparing him unfavorably with others. Her lack of support and constant criticism only compounded Rafiq’s problems, making it even harder for him to manage the challenges in his life.

The children suffered in silence, with their daily routine disrupted by Ulfat’s neglect. Maria and Mohsin often came home from school to find the house locked. They spent long hours at tuition classes, often hungry and thirsty. The tuition teacher’s mother would kindly give them food and water. At home, Ulfat showed little affection or care for the children. She would hurriedly prepare meals, often cold curd with hot rice, which the children disliked but were forced to eat. The school teachers did not seem to notice or report the children’s plight.

One day, Mohsin returned from school with an upset stomach. Finding the house locked, he went to the tuition teacher’s house, where he soiled his pants from stomach pain. Embarrassed, he tried to excuse himself and returned home, where he fell asleep outside the locked gate. His sister Maria found him and, with the help of a shopkeeper, got him inside.

The neighbors whispered about Ulfat’s neglect, but she remained indifferent. Sara never supported Ulfat; instead, she undermined her further. She made derogatory remarks about Ulfat’s character and parenting in front of Maria and Mohsin, creating a hostile environment and poisoning the children’s perception of their mother. The children, already caught in the middle of their parents’ conflicts, were now also dealing with conflicting messages from their grandmother, adding to their emotional distress.

Sara’s actions worsened the family dynamics, making it harder for the children to feel secure and supported. They grew more resentful and confused, torn between their love for their mother and the negative influence of their grandmother.

Advice for Ulfat

Communicate Openly and Calmly: Ulfat should strive to communicate her feelings and concerns in a calm and respectful manner. This can help prevent misunderstandings and reduce conflict. Instead of shouting or reacting impulsively, taking time to express her thoughts clearly and constructively can lead to better outcomes.
Seek Support and Counseling: Dealing with anger and frustration can be challenging. Ulfat could benefit from seeking professional counseling or anger management support to address her emotional responses and improve her coping mechanisms. This could also help her find healthier ways to express her needs and desires.
Prioritize Family Well-being: Ulfat should consider the impact of her actions on her children and husband. Creating a nurturing and stable environment is crucial for their development and well-being. She can focus on spending quality time with her children, providing them with love and care, and being more attentive to their needs.
Build a Supportive Relationship with Rafiq: Working towards a partnership with Rafiq, where both partners support each other, can strengthen their relationship. Listening to his concerns and finding common ground on issues, such as child care and household responsibilities, can lead to a more harmonious home life.

Advice for Sara (Mother-in-Law)

Be Fair and Equitable: Sara should strive to treat all her grandchildren equally, without favoritism. This approach can foster a more inclusive and loving family environment, reducing resentment and jealousy among the children.
Support Rather Than Criticize: Offering support and constructive feedback rather than criticism can help build a stronger relationship with Ulfat and Rafiq. Understanding and compassion can go a long way in resolving conflicts and misunderstandings.
Focus on Positive Relationships: Sara can focus on building positive and healthy relationships with all family members. Encouraging open dialogue and being a source of support can help create a more harmonious family dynamic.
Set a Positive Example: As a senior member of the family, Sara can set a positive example by demonstrating patience, understanding, and respect. Her actions and words can influence the overall tone and atmosphere within the family.

( Note: Names may not be real)