The Essence of Conscious Parenting

Parenting is far from easy. Many parents strive to meet societal checklists—financial stability, emotional longevity, and successful marriages—believing these achievements will ensure their children’s happiness. Yet, despite ticking all the boxes, a deep disconnect often remains between parents and their children.

As a practicing educator over more than four decades I have observed that even the most “successful” parents often struggled with their children’s emotional well-being. This a question in my mind If it isn’t money, stability, or maturity that fosters a healthy parent-child bond, what is it? The answer lies in conscious parenting—an awareness of how our own conditioning obscures our ability to truly see and nurture our children for who they are. We are all shaped by our upbringing, cultural norms, and unconscious patterns inherited from our parents. Without realising it, we impose these expectations onto our children, leaving little room for their authentic selves to emerge.

Conditioning from childhood, we parent the way we were parented, repeating cycles without questioning their impact. Cultural norms dictate what “good parenting” looks like; grades, behaviour, achievements often at the expense of a child’s individuality. Our unconscious expectations project our unfulfilled dreams and fears onto our children, moulding them into who we think they should be rather than who they truly are. When a child’s essence is overshadowed by these unconscious impositions, they grow up feeling unseen. They may outwardly conform but inwardly struggle with identity, leading to a lack of self-trust, emotional disconnection, rebellion or self-destructive behaviours (addictions, anxiety, depression) and a lifelong search for their true selves.

The Dance of Parenting is a constant balancing act—knowing when to step in and when to step back. Children need guidance, but they also need space to discover themselves. A child must feel seen, safe, and valued without conditions, and parents must learn to hold space rather than dictate. This means allowing mistakes, emotions, and exploration. In adolescence the push-and-pull intensifies. If parents cling too tightly, children may rebel or shut down. If they’re too detached, kids may seek belonging in unhealthy peer groups. The key is presence—not just physical, but emotional. A child who feels truly connected to their parent doesn’t need to seek validation elsewhere. The power of connection is rooted in discipline and true discipline comes from connection, not fear. Punishment teaches: “You are only acceptable when you behave”. Connection-based discipline teaches: “I am here for you, even when you struggle.

When children react, they are communicating an unmet need—frustration or fear. Instead of isolating them, we must stay present acknowledge their emotions without judgment, guide not shame, help them understand their feelings and actions, reinforce the bond and let them know the relationship is unconditional. We must break the cycle and exercise conscious parenting by being present, not perfect. Parenting isn’t about getting it “right” but about showing up authentically.

Children don’t need perfect parents—they need parents who see them. When we release our conditioning and embrace conscious parenting, we give our children the greatest gift, the freedom to be themselves. As we navigate this lifelong dance, may we remember, parenting is not about shaping a child into who we want them to be, but about nurturing who they already are. Culture corrupts parenting and education.

The recent board exam results in Kashmir were met with deafening celebrations—firecrackers, social media posts, and institutions clamouring to claim credit for toppers. But beneath the noise lies a troubling reality: our culture has corrupted the true purpose of education and parenting, reducing success to a narrow, competitive spectacle while abandoning those who struggle. Society’s obsession with ranking, percentage, and institutional prestige has turned education into a performance rather than a learning process. Schools and coaching centers compete to advertise their “top rankers,” treating children as trophies rather than individuals.

Parents push children into relentless studying, not for knowledge, but for social validation. Social media amplifies this frenzy, where success is measured only by marks not resilience, creativity, or emotional well-being resulting a system where only the “winners” are celebrated, while average or struggling students are ignored, shamed, or labelled as failures. The harsh truth is that our schooling system is designed for the strong to survive, not for every child to thrive.

Struggling learners are neglected, with little institutional accountability for their failures. No real consequences for systemic failure and schools face no penalties for poor teaching, toxic environments, or student dropouts. This creates a “tyranny of the normal”—where only a select few are nurtured, and the rest are discarded as collateral damage in the race for rankings.

The silent symphony of collective Denial where all the stakeholders—parents, schools, policymakers—participate in this illusion. Parents celebrate their child’s high marks but rarely question how they were achieved (rote learning, extreme pressure, coaching factory methods). Teachers blame students for “not working hard enough” but evade responsibility for outdated teaching methods. Institutions boast about toppers but ignore the mental health crisis among students. Nobody is held accountable and the system keeps running on autopilot, with children paying the price.

Culture sabotages conscious parenting. parenting doesn’t happen in a vacuum—it’s shaped by cultural expectations. Unfortunately, these norms often corrupt good parenting instincts. “If my child isn’t a topper, I’ve failed”.

The way forward is reclaiming institutional accountability where parents educate themselves that success isn’t just marks; it’s critical thinking, emotional intelligence, and adaptability. Demand better from schools and Ask: How do you support struggling students? What’s your policy on mental health? Reject the rat race – If everyone stopped obsessing over toppers, institutions would have to change. For the society at large redefine success, celebrate effort, creativity, and character, not just percentages.

The question is: shall we keep clapping for the illusion, or we finally hold the mirror to the reality? For 18 long years, children in our system endure a rigid, exam-centric schooling process only to emerge as directionless, dependent, and ill-equipped for real life. Despite the enormous financial and emotional sacrifices made by parents, the system fails to produce independent thinkers, problem-solvers, or self-aware individuals. Instead, it churns out certificate-holders who struggle with basic life decisions. What I call a great schooling scam where education does not empower. Parents and society enable this dysfunction under the guise of “tradition” and sacrificing parents mortgage their financial health for tuition fees, coaching, and “elite” schools, only for their children to graduate unemployable, and confused.

Parents, teachers, and policymakers must wake up: Real education isn’t about passing exams it’s about passing the test of life.

Dr. Farooq Wasil, a published author, and an educationist, currently CAO of Vasal Education Group and Founding Director of Thinksite. He has over four decades of experience in the field of Education Management—setting up, operating and managing Schools.