The Burden of Apology and its reflection on Dignity and Grief

Ever since the tragic incident at Pahalgam, where unarmed civilians lost their lives, a deep sadness has gripped every heart in Kashmir. Alongside this grief, I found myself reflecting on a troubling reality: why do Kashmiris so often feel compelled to apologize for acts of violence they neither committed nor endorsed?

The valour and compassion shown by the pony wallahs, tourist guides, and eatery owners who rushed to rescue the dead and injured even before the arrival of security forces itself speak volumes about the empathy in the hearts of Kashmiris. The death of young Adil is a painful reminder of the sacrifice made by ordinary people during the tragedy.

In turbulent times, Kashmir often finds itself at the center of political storms, intense media scrutiny, and a crisis of identity. Amidst all this, a deeply telling phenomenon quietly re-emerges: ordinary Kashmiris feel an overwhelming need to apologize for violence they had no part in.

In the complex mirror of modern politics, perhaps no people are as persistently misunderstood as the Kashmiris. After events like Pahalgam, the Valley often falls silent which is not out of indifference, but due to the heavy moral calculus its people must make before speaking. When they do respond, their words are often wrapped in an apologetic tone which is not because they are responsible, but because they are expected to be. This expectation is not only unfair, but profoundly dehumanizing.

This phenomenon reflects deeper layers of psychological, social, and political pressure. It has become a recurring cycle, particularly when violence elsewhere is superficially linked to Kashmir or its faith identity. A society where identity has been conflated with ideology, where empathy is mistaken for guilt, and where the decades of Kashmiri suffering remain largely unspoken in the national memory.

The truth remains that the Kashmiris are a deeply sympathetic people who mourn any loss of innocent life, anywhere in the world. Their public mourning, expressions of solidarity, and at times even apologies are not admissions of guilt but reflections of shared human sorrow.

In thriving democracies, the principle of individual responsibility is paramount. Yet, a crime committed by someone sharing a vague religious or regional identity still triggers demands for apology which is not accountability; it is emotional duress. But many Kashmiris, having intimately known grief and loss, extend condolences naturally and instinctively.

To challenge the existing narrative, it must be emphasized that Kashmiris are individuals and are not representatives of any ideology or insurgency. Apologies should come from those who commit violence, not from those who happen to share geography, faith, or ethnicity. True healing comes from truth, justice, and dignity.

The time has come to abandon the theater of suspicion and embrace genuine listening. Kashmiris, like all citizens, deserve the right to mourn without having to clarify their innocence. We must move toward a political culture where innocence is the default, not suspicion.

A mature democracy does not demand apologies from its wounded citizens. It seeks justice, dialogue, and reconciliation. If there is to be lasting peace in Kashmir, it must begin with acknowledging the pain of its people and not by suppressing it under the burden of expectation to condemn, disown, and perform allegiance.

Kashmiris are not a monolith. They are engineers, teachers, farmers, doctors, bureaucrats, writers, students, parents. They are neither proxies, nor pawns in any political game. And they are certainly not responsible for the violence of others.

For young Kashmiris studying or working outside the Valley, the burden is even greater. After the Pahalgam tragedy, numerous reports surfaced of Kashmiri students, traders, and professionals facing harassment, eviction, and even physical assaults across parts of India. Targeting individuals unconnected to any violence only deepens alienation and fear.

Such actions not only endanger the idea of India but also rob the nation of the contributions that Kashmiri intellect, energy, and culture can offer toward national building.

We are a mature democracy. We must ensure that hate crimes are prevented, and that those who resort to violence and harassment are swiftly held accountable. It is not enough to speak of national unity; it must be felt and practiced in everyday actions. Kashmiris must feel at home in their own country and should feel protected by the rule of law, respected for their dignity, and embraced for their humanity.

Only through fairness, justice, and genuine inclusion can true national integration be achieved.

The author is a climate change consultant.