Silent Suffering of Ageing Parents in the Hills

In the tranquil village of North Kashmir, 150 km far from the din of Srinagar, a quiet but powerful event unfolded — one that brought into focus the silent lives of our elderly population, a demographic often overlooked and quietly enduring. A free specialized medical camp, organized by the Moul Mouj Foundation (MMF) in collaboration with GK Labs and the Ummeed Foundation, under the project “Elders Deserve Better”, offered more than academic exposure — it was a deeply human experience.

As postgraduate students of Social Work, University of Kashmir, currently doing fieldwork with the Centre for Interdisciplinary Studies on Ageing (CISA) at Moul Mouj Foundation, we had the rare opportunity to assess the psychosocial conditions of over a hundred elders. What we uncovered was not only eye-opening — it was heart-wrenching. And we feel compelled to share it.

Seniors Mostly Alone

Perhaps the most disturbing finding was this: out of 100 elders, only 8 were accompanied by an adult child or caregiver. One can’t help but imagine how, in their younger days, these very elders must have lovingly accompanied their children to the doctor — never imagining that, in their own time of need, they would have to walk alone. This stark statistic exposes the depth of social abandonment many elders now face. The traditional Kashmiri ethos of joint families and intergenerational living is visibly crumbling — even in rural areas. One elderly participant voiced the collective heartbreak: “When we raised our children, we never imagined they’d grow up and leave us behind like this.”

Emotional and Mental Health

Only 56% of the elders appeared emotionally stable and communicative. The remaining 44% displayed signs of emotional withdrawal, numbness, or psychological fragility. Some still held on to hope; others seemed broken by years of neglect. One woman shared she hadn’t spoken to her son in over three months — even though he lived in the same village.

Moreover, 31% of participants expressed feelings of loneliness and neglect, despite living with their children. This highlights the urgent need for not only medical care but emotional support — from both families and communities. The pain of being physically present but emotionally invisible was palpable. One elderly mother said, “I don’t know what happens to sons after marriage. I married off both mine—they left me alone. My younger one still lives with me, but I know he’ll leave too once he marries.”

Economic Dependence without Dignity

A significant 61% of elders were financially dependent on others, usually their children or relatives. Only 39% were self-sustained through pensions or savings. This dependency, when coupled with emotional neglect, creates a precarious situation — elders left vulnerable and disempowered.

While it was somewhat encouraging that 70% were aware of government welfare schemes, many had not availed of them due to lack of proper documentation or guidance. This calls for more proactive efforts by social workers and authorities to bridge the awareness-to-access gap.

Family Support: A Mixed Picture

Only 43% of the elders expressed satisfaction with the support they received from their families. The remaining 57% revealed a disheartening reality — familial bonds that have weakened or vanished altogether. Several shared that they are “tolerated” at home, made to feel like a burden rather than being respected or cared for with love and dignity.

Elder Abuse: The Hidden Wound

The most difficult data to process—and to share—was on elder abuse:

• 2% reported physical abuse, such as pushing or kicking.
• 38% disclosed verbal or emotional abuse.
• 12% experienced both emotional abuse and financial exploitation.

These figures likely underestimate the true extent of the problem. Stigma, fear, and dependence on the abuser often silence victims. As one elderly respondent quietly confided, “You can’t complain about your own children. Where else would I go? We have relatives and neighbors here in the camp—how can we disclose our helplessness?”

Basic Needs Are Not Enough

Though most elders had access to food and shelter, our fieldwork confirmed: meeting physical needs alone is not enough. Emotional care, companionship, and a sense of purpose are equally essential. Many seniors told us they feel like they’re “just existing” — not living.

What This Means

This camp reminded us that ageing isn’t just a biological process — it’s a deeply social one. As our communities change, elders often become collateral damage in the pursuit of progress. They are left behind, unheard, unseen.

As students of Social Work, this experience left a deep impact on us. No textbook could have taught us what we learned from the strength, resilience, and quiet endurance of these elders. Their stories of pain, and occasional laughter through it all, were unforgettable.

Looking Ahead

Moul Mouj Foundation’s Lifetime Privilege Card — which enrolled five of the most vulnerable elders at the camp for lifelong medical and emotional support — is a commendable step. But much more needs to be done. We need more people to join the movement of MMf for Targeted outreach in rural areas; Emotional health interventions; Stronger social security linkages; Community-based elder care programs; Free health (Physical and Medical) initiatives for elderly.
Because the elders of this village — and all of Kashmir — deserve more than food or medicine. They deserve dignity, respect, and someone who simply asks how they are doing. One elderly man put it simply: “I don’t need much—just my son to talk to. A simple salam and a little care would be enough.” Is that too much to ask?

Mehrunissa, Aamina Bashir and Farhat Mehboob are PG Social Work Students, University of Kashmir, currently doing their community outreach and field work with Centre for Interdisciplinary Studies on Ageing, Moul Mouj Foundation