Shared Struggle

Greater Kashmir has brought attention to the pressing issue of infertility. This is a significant problem that not only requires medical attention but also a deep understanding and support from both partners and their families.

Infertility is a deeply personal and often stigmatised issue in our society. The burden of this condition should never fall solely on one partner, as it takes two to build a family. Yet, many times, women find themselves unfairly blamed for infertility. This story sheds light on the importance of collective understanding and support in overcoming the challenges of infertility, emphasising the need to look beyond societal stereotypes.

Five years ago, I embarked on a journey of marriage, filled with dreams of starting a family. However, destiny had other plans for me. My husband and I faced the cruel reality of infertility, a struggle that would test our relationship and resilience.

Within just a few months of our marriage, my mother-in-law, a woman herself, began taunting me for not conceiving. The humiliation was unbearable, and the weight of societal expectations began to crush my spirit. The blame for our childless state was unfairly heaped upon me.

In the face of this relentless pressure, I was advised to return to my father’s home and undergo infertility testing. Fueled by my desire to find answers, I visited a lady doctor, who conducted a battery of tests. To my relief, the results came back normal, suggesting no underlying issues on my end. The doctor wisely recommended that my husband also undergo testing to complete the picture.

But when I raised this issue with my husband, I was met with a furious and defensive response. The mere suggestion that he should get tested challenged his masculinity, causing him to react with anger and denial. Even my mother-in-law, convinced that her son was free from fault, reinforced his stance against testing.

Days turned into months, and it became increasingly clear that my in-laws were contemplating a second marriage for my husband, a prospect that filled me with anxiety and insecurity. I knew I needed to take action, and the solution came in the form of my husband’s cousin, a doctor based in Dubai.

I called my husband’s cousin and confided in him about our situation. I asked him to have an open and honest conversation with my husband, emphasising the importance of infertility testing. Through patient and empathetic counselling, his cousin was able to break down the walls of resistance.

It took two long years of emotional turmoil and marital strain, but my husband finally agreed to undergo infertility testing. The results painted a different picture than what we had expected. It was evident that the issue wasn’t on my end. My husband’s test results were “not up to the mark,” confirming the presence of a fertility challenge on his part.

Our journey through infertility was marked by societal pressure, family expectations, and personal doubts. The experience taught us that infertility is not a one-sided battle, and the blame game serves no one. It reinforced the importance of communication, support, and collective efforts in confronting infertility.

Our story underscores the need for society to break the silence surrounding infertility. It highlights the critical role of understanding and empathy in helping couples overcome the challenges of building a family. To truly address infertility, we must dispel stereotypes, promote open conversations, and ensure that the burden of this condition is shared equally between partners.

Last year, by the grace of Allah, we were blessed with a daughter following a medical intervention. It took four years from the beginning of our marriage. This journey emphasised the significance of mutual understanding, patience, joint treatment for both partners, and must support from both our families, which are essential for fostering a healthy and harmonious relationship between a husband and wife.

Infertility is a shared experience, and overcoming it requires unity, not division. In the face of such trials, let our collective strength and support be the guiding light for those on this challenging journey.

Aamina (Name Changed) from downtown, Srinagar