Proudly Blunt!

I am bluntly honest

I spit the facts

 I don’t sugar-coat the things

 I speak my mind

 Truth is bitter

 I hate crying babies

 I cannot walk on egg shells

These are the statements that we hear many people proudly say. But unfortunately they are unaware of  the fact that they are suffering from a disease called “Proud Blunt syndrome” . They rationalise their rudeness and poor communication skills by considering themselves   honest and straightforward.  They defensively say at least I am not a hypocrite and I have a right to speak up my mind.  But I want to ask one question to them.  Are you more honest and truthful than prophet Muhammad (PBUH?

If not, do you know our prophet was unwaveringly  honest and truthful person on earth yet he was the most sweet in tongue. So truth is not bitter, it's our lack of manners and our ill intention of dragging other person down that makes it bitter.  Allah says in the Quran,  “O you who believe! Do not ridicule others, perhaps they may be better than you and do not insult one another , nor call each other by offensive names; …and whoever does not repent , then it is those who are wrong doers. (Surah Hujurat: verse 11). This verse is an eye opener for those who  have this habit of insulting others; for their  weight,  dressing sense, incorrect grammar, weak skills.

Even if you have certifications  and recommendations from institutes of repute, or you are in power, still you have no right to insult anyone by calling them dim witted/crack headed/ good for nothing. You may call it being straightforward and spitting facts but genuine communication reflects not just truth but empathy and commitment to kindness.  Allah  says, Speak  kindly to people … ( Surah Al Baqarah, verse 83).

Aristotle puts its this way: “ Anyone can become angry; that is easy but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose and in the right way; that’s not within everybody’s  power and is not easy.”  Same wisdom applies to bluntness. Anyone can become blunt; that is easy but to be blunt with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose and in the right way; that’s not within everybody’s power, and is not easy.

So next time before pressing your  so called “Spitting Facts” button, pause and reflect

Am I  referring to the right person; do I have any right over this person,  is he/she strong enough to bear what I am about to say; is he/she really responsible for this. Sometimes our single negative remark can shatter somebody's whole life. As goes the proverb; Axe Forgets but the tree remembers.

Am I spitting facts to the right degree;  am I genuine or I am exaggerating the things.

Is this the right time to spit facts; is this the right moment and place.

Do I have the right purpose; do I have the intention to correct/help other person or I have the intention to insult and brag about my superiority.

A single powerful quranic verse is enough to serve as a sign board and a reference point for us regarding how to preach and debate.  Allah says,  “Invite all to the way of your lord with wisdom and kind advice and debate with them in the best manner….. (Surah al-Nahl ; 125). So there is no point to be blunt,  rude, harsh or stubborn.

Takeaway:

It is high time that the dynamic underlying incivility, bluntness and rudeness be explored. What reinforces this bluntness? What are its impacts? How we can bring change in ourselves? All this needs to be researched scientifically, empirically as the passive aggression and frustration have started sprouting in almost all of us. According to a recent opinion polls, 79% Americans say that lack of respect and courtesy should be regarded as a serious national problem (Westacott Emrys).

Sometimes we all cross the thin line between being honest and rude. But some have it as a habit and they use it as an honour badge.  All we need to do is use filters, improve our communication skills, bring softness in our tone and words;  as we will be held accountable for all we say. Allah says in Surah Noor, Verse 24 “  On that day their tongues, hands and feet will testify against them for what they used to do”