Parental Pressure and Student Expectations

Parental pressure in today’s competitive age is one of the biggest emotional burdens borne by students. It affects their studies, self confidence and overall well being.

Education today is not rote learning, neither are there ancient day career choices. The National Education Policy 2020 promotes overall development, skill training and career choice flexibility. Yet most parents still dictate success in terms of marks, ranks and traditional careers. This mix of changing education and rigid parental thinking causes tremendous pressure on students.

Pressure cooked kids lose their passion. They lose interest in learning. Most read to impress not to understand. Fear outweighs curiosity. They copy others because their parents do. This copying destroys individuality. Every child has a different potential but pressure leads them to feel unequal. If students cannot match up they feel guilty and shame. Some even lose interest in living. Reports from the National Crime Records Bureau reveal a rising rate of suicides among students and the largest percentage of these are due to parental and academic pressure. This must prompt every parent to pause and think.

You cannot grow a child. It must be brought up. Parents are the first teachers and emotional mentors. They are also the ones who could heal or hurt with words. Admiration brings power but sarcasm breaks confidence. Parenting should be to support not control. Every child grows at a different pace and is gifted in something. Some are gifted in the academic arena others in the arts music, sports or social skills. The perfect parents note these talents early and build on them.

High expectations often begin with comparison. Parents compare children with relatives, neighbours or classmates. The child now feels that love is conditional upon performance. That hurts self esteem. A self assured child can learn more than a scared one.

Learning is not competition. It is a developmental process. Parents, when they overpressure develop negative attitude towards learning. In a survey in 2023 by the Indian Journal of Psychiatry it was seen that 68% of the students under high pressure from parents manifested symptoms of anxiety and 45% showed signs of depression. These figures remind us that peace bought at the cost of achievement is not real achievement.

Parents should understand that failure is not the end but a stepping stone to learning. Everyone who has been successful at something has failed at some stage. The focus should be on how children are taught to rebound. Instead of blaming parents should openly discuss mistakes. When children have the liberty to speak freely on failure they turn out to be resilient.

Communication is most crucial. Parents must take quality time out for the kid. Listen non judgmentally. Ask them about feelings not grades. Praise mini success. Believe in their potential. Appreciation generates trust and trust generates effort. When children know that their worth is not measured by grades they naturally begin performing better.

Society also conditions the expectations of parents. Peer pressure, competition and social media make parents nervous. They feel judged by others. Parenting, however, is not social comparison. Parenting must be about producing a happy capable and honest human being. Success in life comes not from what one has become but from what one is meant to be.

Teachers and schools play the most significant role in reducing parental pressure. Parent teacher interaction needs to be more guidance based not outcome based. Teachers need to guide parents on emotional learning. Parent education about child psychology can be achieved through workshops and awareness programs. Home school collaboration can yield a balanced learning setting.

The NEP 2020 encourages a reduction in rote learning and emphasis on creativity, adaptability and applicability. Parents too need to align their expectations in a similar fashion. The focus has to shift from marks to master from competition and pressure to cooperation and engagement.

A passionate child learns of his or her own accord. Parents listening to the passion of a child increases motivation. Support such an activity. It may become a successful career in the years to come. All the successful people now a day followed non conventional routes. Parents should understand that there are many ways to be successful.

To create a stress free learning atmosphere parents should.

• Give credit to effort and not accomplishment.
• Avoid comparing their children with others.
• Teach that errors are a learning process.
• Be emotionally supportive when taking tests.
• Help manage time and stress.
• Communicate openly and honestly.
• Appreciate curiosity and creativity.

The world is changing at a very rapid rate. New careers are emerging. Critical thinking, communication, creativity, and emotional intelligence are more valuable than good grades today. Parents who are able to accept this change will make their children successful.

Every child deserves to be free to dream. When parents replace pressure with patience kids start believing in themselves. When they replace fear with faith, kids become strong. And when they replace judgment with compassion kids accomplish more than any report card can reflect.

Education has to give rise to thinkers and not sufferers. The real success of parents is not their performance in exams but how capable, compassionate and confident they become. The biggest gift a parent can give is not expectation but encouragement. The biggest legacy is not pressure but peace.

Remind every parent, your child needs your faith more than your fear.

Mukhtar Ahmad Qureshi is a Teacher by profession and hails from Boniyar, Baramulla