Not my circus, not my monkeys

Dear reader, it’s a wrap. As we step into the New Year, we all hope for joy, but deep down, we know it will bring its share of shocks, surprises, and reasons to smile. Over the past few years, c(rude) reality of life has taught me one thing—slow down. Peace comes when you stop rushing, competing and comparing. Competition breeds anxiety. Comparison kills joy. In the 25th year of the century, we will see unexpected events unfold. Time is a teacher. Years come and go, but have you learned to accept rejection with grace?

Wait a minute. What? You say you’re hurt? But who isn’t? We’ve all felt that crushing agony of mental torment. Let me share my own story of sorrow. Remember that it is just the tip of an iceberg.

There was a time when I’d join the swarm of labourers in the main market of Nowgam and Hyderpora, just to earn my daily bread. I’ll never forget those days, selling books along the foreshore road, while people my age strolled through romantic walks around Dal Lake. I can still feel the weight of that time when I had to discontinue my college due to financial constraints and work as MGNREGA labourer. That’s when I truly learned the value of money. Are the wedding bells ringing for people your age, and you’re still single, without a government job, branded a failure? Trust me, I’ve been there.

Off course, time heals (not) all wounds. Healing can be hard when your inner child wants love, your teenage self wants revenge and your present self wants peace. Be that innocent child, you will not regret that. Problems are ubiquitous. The important life skill is to know how to deal with daily challenges. If someone is jealous of my success, no matter how small, it is not my problem. How random people see you is not important, how you see yourself means everything.

Lately, I've realized something profound: we become vulnerable to gaslighting when we place too much dependence on others. When we trust people with our secrets, they can easily be used against us, because narcissists are blind to anyone’s pain but their own. They don’t care how it feels to be you, or what you’re struggling with in your life. Nobody notices the tears that soak your pillow as you cry yourself to sleep. If someone gives you negative energy, don’t hesitate to cut the cords. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Over-explaining only reveals your insecurity.

Focus on progress, not perfection. When you strive for progress, you make things happen, you learn faster, and you stay motivated. Perfection is a trap—it leads to overthinking and delays. Life is yours to design. You have the power to create it. Just be empathetic. Check your vibe. It decides your tribe.

Life is delicate, like a fragile whisper in the wind. We hold on tightly, but we control so little. And that’s okay. The moment you came into this world, someone cradled you, bathed you with love. One day, someone will prepare you for your final shower, perhaps with the same care. That brief, tender interval between those two sacred moments is life. So why let bitterness, envy, hate, or jealousy steal its beauty? Life isn’t about outdoing others; it’s about becoming the best version of you, one small step at a time. Don’t shrink yourself or settle for less than what your soul truly deserves. Comfort might feel like a refuge, but it can quickly become a thief of joy. Work hard, but not for the world—work for the fire within you. Walk long paths, let the universe guide you, and never stop moving. If something feels wrong in your heart, let it go. You deserve to breathe freely.

Remember, what you consume shapes you—not just food, but the books you read, the shows you watch and the people you date. Surround yourself with goodness. You owe yourself love. Treat yourself to the things that nourish your spirit—a steaming cup of coffee, a walk under the stars, a visit to a place that feels like home. These are the acts of survival. And survival with joy is a rebellion against life’s hardships.

You might wonder why I stress so much on self-love. Here’s why: when you open your heart to yourself, you can open it to the world. Be curious. Talk to people. Step outside, even if you’re not a social butterfly. Build connections, and let the stories you hear fill the quiet corners of your heart. You’ll soon notice a bittersweet truth—no one is truly content. Everyone is yearning, running, aching for something they don’t have. Life is fleeting, appearances are deceptive, but your peace is real. Guard it fiercely. And above all, love yourself—with all your flaws, fears, and fantasies. You are enough. You need not to involve yourself in someone else’s drama or personal issues, as the title of this piece, a Polish proverb suggests.

Those who are not dating dream of love, while the ones in toxic relationships wish for freedom. The poor pray for riches, believing it’s the answer to their pain, while the wealthy long for the simplicity and peace they’ve lost. Those with fame are trapped in a gilded cage of no privacy, while the unknown chase recognition, often at the cost of their dignity. Those with secure jobs feel stifled; those without stability feel hollow.

I’ve seen people cling to jobs that crush their souls because they fear letting go. I’ve watched others drown in debt for homes they no longer love, weddings they regret, or degrees that didn’t lead to joy. And in their regret, I’ve seen a truth we all forget: the more we chase, the less we live.

We are so caught up in wanting more that we forget the blessings we already hold. This endless hunger is why so many are unhappy, especially now. We don’t honour the beauty of today. But here’s a promise: if you start appreciating what you have, your worries will vaporize. If someone envies you, let it remind you that they crave for what you have in abundance. Maybe they feel loveless and they want more caring people around or less fame, less money, more privacy etc.

Instead of chasing fleeting pleasures or material possessions, focus on long-term goals that provide deeper satisfaction. This shift in perspective can lead to a more fulfilling life. Embrace delayed gratification. It is important to be less judgemental as you grow because people take different paths for what they define success. At the end, you have to answer your own conscience. Sometimes, it is just fascinating to be a fly on the wall and not try to get into everything. Be democratic in love. You can be the sweetest peach but there are some people who don’t like peaches. Let go of things, people.

As we part ways here, I leave you with a timeless couplet sung by Mahindar Kapoor:

Woh afsana jisse anjam tak laana nah ho mumkin,

Ussay ek khobsurat mood de kar chodhna acha.

Season's sweetest wishes to my dearest readers.

ABID RASHID BABA is a development professional currently associated with a social impact organization based in Washington D.C.