Lost art of respect for our elders

In the past, the elderly were the pillars of wisdom. Their words and actions were imbued with a deep understanding of the world. Children looked up to them with wide eyes, learning from their guidance and experience. They were revered for their age old wisdom, a symbol of a life well-lived. But today, such etiquette has faded and those voices have been forgotten. Once our parents become aged and weak, we neglect them and most often consider them a useless lot.

The respect towards elderly was conspicuous, a natural response to the sacrifices and love that parents and grandparents embodied. A day would not go well, if blessings were not sought early in the morning from the elderly at home, lovingly referred to as Bub or Mouj. I vividly remember, when in those days someone had to go somewhere. He was advised by his parents to go to the room of his grandparents known as Bubba or Deday.

Leaving home for some distant place without seeking blessings from them was considered totally a sin. And when one would seek their permission to leave, they would bless us with lots of luck and prayers. Such used to be our society in Kashmir. However, today, this respect and intimacy seems to be eroding, like sandcastles in the tide of modernity.

A few decades back we used to treat our elderly the biggest asset. We called our grandparents as Bubba and Moujey. But now it is at least a concept. An elderly woman in the vicinity was lovingly called Dedey. People would visit her quite frequently, seek her blessings and learn valuable lessons from her. However, in today's fast-paced world, that intimacy is thrown in the backyard. No doubt, we have that Bub, Mouj and Ded still with us. But how sad! They are the most ignored and neglected lot who often have to bear the brunt of our indifferent attitude.

Not to talk of seeking their blessings; even the doors of their rooms are not opened. If it won’t be wrong to say, our modern generations who treat these elderly at home outdated and dismiss the elderly wisdom, are going in a wrong direction.

People in the past meant what they said. The nomenclature, with which our elders were called out, had a unique affection and intimacy, deep filled in them. But now, things seem to have gained an edge over by ostentation. We must be us, the real us. Not the ones who are playing the scripted role in the filtered social media.

A grandfather whom we called Bubba was really a Bub—obeyed, respected and loved in the society. Ded or Mouj was so in true sense. But, today, we have all these elderly with us like Bub, Mouj, Ded, Kak, Abbae, Laleh, To’ath and Mam, etc. yet; the importance of respecting them seems changed.

We must always remember that our elderly are the guardians of our heritage, the keepers of our family's stories and traditions. Their love and support are the foundation upon which we build our lives. So, how can we reclaim this lost art of respect? By listening to their tales, by seeking their counsel, and by showing gratitude for their unwavering support. Let us honor our parents & grandparents not just with words, but with actions because in doing so, we strengthen family bonds and lay a strong foundation for sympathy and affection.

On the canvas of my own memories, I recall my beloved mother whom we called Ta’eth, the one who was dear to us. Ta’eth was dear to everyone in real sense because she stoutly believed in educating girls and that’s why when she died, some ladies of my age who she had taught to, wept so sorrowfully in the tent that they had not simply lost their teacher but a mother.

We all would have heard that the Japanese story “The Mountain That Ate People” was on a cruel King’s orders; children would take their elderly parents in the forest to be eaten by the wild animals. Succinctly, from this story, we learn a valuable lesson about the wisdom of our elderly where the farmer's mother saved the country from the enemy attack by answering the three toughest questions asked to the King.

While looking at the present nomenclature, such intimacy, affection and values seem vanished. A father whom we called To’ath was in real sense dear to everyone, and with Mouj, everyone had a distinct bond of Mumta. But alas! With the change of nomenclature, the bond of closeness and liking has also changed. To’ath turned out to be Daddy and Papa, Mouj became Mummy or Mom. But, I fervently believe, the intimacy which we had in To’ath, Boabe, Appa, Dedey, Moujey, etc. is lacking in Mummy, Papa and Daddy, etc.

These elderly whom we often neglect are not a burden but a store house of rich experience and great wisdom. Their grey hair, wrinkled face, bent body, etc. is a crown of honour whose words are sought like precious gems. Children need to spend time with them because they share the tales of yesteryears, imparting valuable lessons and family traditions.

Let us create a world where elderly are celebrated and held in high esteem. Honouring them means strengthening the bonds of family, community and society—weaving a tapestry of love, respect, and tradition that will endure for generations to come.

Dr Rafeeq Masoodi is former Secy, Cultural Academy & Addt’l Director General Doordarshan, Srinagar