Kashmir’s Respectful Elderly Women
Kashmir is best known for its traditional values and cultural norms that are deeply ingrained in its social fabric. The social fabric, though a bit torn now, can’t simply obliterate the time when people lived so happily and peacefully in joint families with limited resources. With transformation into nuclear families, changes were witnessed in many ways. The collapse of moral values in families ruptured various things that once defined us to larger audience. For instance, modesty, obedience and respectful devotion, etc. that once were identity of Kashmiri culture, are now least found anywhere. The peace that once surrounded us, seem swallowed by the material pursuits hankered after by us, repeatedly. Each day, ironically, we deprive ourselves of our moral values that are thrown in the background. However, this used not to be the scenario in our grandparents’ time. Though, that was the time of illiteracy and ignorance, yet, those elderly citizens lived with great simplicity and respect. In those times, reverence was the cornerstone of every family, especially in a marital relationship—a testament to Kashmir’s rich cultural heritage.
Though nowadays, relationships are often measured by convenience, yet, the quite dignity of Kashmir’s elderly women, offers a profound reminder of what it means to share a lifetime together. Those virtuous elderly women whose respect was deeply rooted in tradition, obedience, patience, sacrifice and devotion, etc. were paragons of virtue—revered for their wisdom, experience, and dedication in every household. They embodied the values of tradition, loyalty, and commitment, which were passed down through generations. The deep respect they showed towards their husbands was not merely ritualistic, but a manifestation of sincerity, love and peace at home. Such elderly ladies’ stories remind us that the foundation of a healthy relationship solely depends on mutual respect than in authority or dominance.
The most remarkable aspect was the way those elderly ladies addressed their husbands. They used affectionate terms, which conveyed a deep sense of respect ands reverence. For instance, if they had to call out their husbands, they would call out with ‘Bozan Chuk Joo’ or use the words like Joo, Hemes, Niksund Mool, etc. They would take it absurd to call out their husbands with their names straight. Instead, they would catch their attention by calling out their daughter or son’s name. Their respect towards their husbands was real, not ostentatious. Not to talk of any disrespect, they never mustered courage to speak anything, overtly, in front of them. Rather, they demonstrated their esteem through various gestures and actions besides taking care of their needs, prioritizing their well-being, and showed deference in subtle, yet meaningful ways.
Our elderly ladies’ respect towards their husbands was simply an evidence of cultural values that emphasize respect, loyalty, and devotion.
From preparing meals to standing beside their husbands in difficult times, they shouldered all kinds of responsibilities with grace in such traditional households where life was full of hardships and struggle. They never dared to walk a step ahead of their husbands; nor did they ask for equal rights. They found joy in the happiness of their hubbies; gave them upper hand everywhere, and considered it a shame to be demanding.
I vividly remember, how my maternal grandmother used to live with her husband. Neither have I heard her calling her husband’s name out, nor have I ever seen her talking in front of her husband. I still remember the day when a guest had arrived at home and when she was sitting with her husband at a veranda. Oh! With how rapt attention she was listening to her husband without even uttering a word. Literally, I had never seen her talking to her husband during the day time in that joint family. Believe me, they would appear total strangers to us even when the whole family sat for the dinner. And at times when someone from the village would come to search our Bub (grandfather) who was a Zuhut (head) in the Mohalla, then she loudly call out the ‘Riffa, Riffa’ ( the nickname of her daughter) repeatedly, till Dadaji took out his head out to see through the window who had come. They understood each other with mere gestures to keep alive the sanctity of those bonds. Such was the respect those elderly women would show towards their husbands.
However, respectable modern women can, today, try to be; they can’t compete with those elderly matriarchs of our Kashmir whose respect for their husbands was completely devoid of any show-off—having a profound impact on their families and the broader community. Their life was exemplary, that teaches us the importance of respect, empathy, and understanding in relationships which, in turn, contributes to social harmony and stability, as families and communities are built on the foundation of mutual respect and trust. At present, the husband-wife relationship seems to be devoid of those enduring values of tradition, loyalty, and commitment that were once deeply ingrained in Kashmiri society.
To conclude, in today’s world, where material values have taken precedence over spiritual values, it is crucial that we look back to the calm and sincere times of those elderly women who even now continue to inspire and guide us towards building stronger, and more harmonious relationships. Come; let’s pledge to not let their remarkable stories of devotion and loyalty remains simply unspoken. Let’s share their marvelous lifestyle with the womenfolk of now, so that, their unique stories of patience, loyalty, obedience, devotion, and companionship, etc. is revisited, written in golden words to remain alive, forever.
The writer hails from Sopore
