How Family Fission is Taking Toll on Senior Citizens
During the Rasm-i-Charum of Zainab, held four days after her passing, a grand feast took place at her house, featuring an array of meat dishes. In the festive atmosphere and proper heating arrangements, the gathering seemed to forget the departed soul. In the midst of this celebratory ambiance, a solitary figure, Asif, mourned at Zainab's grave on a freezing evening. On the chilly winter night, Asif placed a candle by his grandmother's grave, reciting verses from the Holy Quran. Unfortunately, Asif had been denied attendance at his grandmother's funeral by his maternal uncles, who had severed all ties with him. The shocking news of his grandmother's death reached him through a social media post, intensifying the pain of their estrangement. Asif, the son of Zainab's eldest daughter, had shared a profound bond with his maternal grandparents since childhood, spending sixteen formative years under their nurturing care. His grandparents' selfless love was evident in various instances, such as sharing sweets from a school function and Asif's dedicated service during Zainab's month-long hospitalisation.
Whenever Zainab prayed for Asif, it stirred discontent among her daughters-in-law. Asif's constant presence in their household became an eyesore, fueled by unfounded fears that he might stake a claim on their property in the future. The daughters-in-law resorted to poisoning the minds of their husbands with concocted stories against Asif, portraying him as a threat to their grown-up daughter, despite their sibling-like relationship since childhood. Employing black magic, the daughters-in-law mistreated Asif when the grandparents were absent, offering him leftover stale food. However, Asif, displaying maturity beyond his age, never complained to his grandmother. Despite assisting with household chores, his efforts went unrecognised.
Due to purported financial constraints, Asif was decided to be relocated to his parental home against the wishes of his ailing and dependent grandparents. Zainab, devastated, resisted parting from her grandson. Recognizing the genuine love between Zainab and Asif, the ailing grandfather decided to operate a separate kitchen. Tragically, he faced harsh words from a daughter-in-law one evening, leading to a stroke that claimed his life. Now, Zainab, left alone with 15-year-old Asif, faced further distress as uncles sold the ancestral house at an unfairly low price, forging her signatures.
Zainab had a deep attachment to this house, enriched with memories of seven decades and her personal contributions to its construction. During the relocation, her belongings were haphazardly loaded into a truck without care, dumped into a damp store in the new house, leaving the old lady struggling to adjust. Meanwhile, Asif, now in his parental home, vividly remembered the day he tearfully left his maternal home, marking a nightmarish experience and making him feel like an odd man out in his new surroundings.Parents provided no assistance in Asif's adjustment to the new environment, resulting in a failure to establish a connection with them. Siblings viewed him as an external intruder, leaving him at the mercy of circumstances.
Despite this, Asif made frequent visits to his grandmother at her new residence, bringing milk and fruits and using his limited funds to purchase necessities like an electric blanket and water bottle for her. His elder uncle (mamaji) grew irritated with these visits, treating Asif as an uninvited guest. During visits, there was no greeting or offer of water, and Asif faced interrogation about bringing food for his grandmother. Despite this, Asif would take his grandmother to the nearby mosque for prayers and strolling. However, he was eventually prohibited from doing so, with the rationale that it was not suitable for her at her age. On occasions, the house was bolted from inside, requiring hours of knocking without any response. Asif's mobile number was blocked in his grandmother's device, further isolating him.
During one visit, a dispute arose over serving his grandmother tea with high salt content and an old stale piece of bread. Asif objected, leading to a heated argument with his aunt. The situation escalated when his uncle intervened, without ascertaining the reasons, and physically assaulted Asif. Asif, with a joint account operating in the post office with his grandmother, had not withdrawn any funds without her permission. Despite a minimal balance, the uncle grew irritated and falsely portrayed Asif as withdrawing money without consent, causing discord and misrepresentation to the grandmother.
They also froze the account, solely aiming to remove Asif's name from the post office passbook. Labeling him a thief, they defamed him on all fronts, severing all ties and excluding him from family functions. His attempts at reconciliation were perceived as unpardonable sins. Despite Asif's sincere efforts to mend relations for his grandmother's sake, he had not seen her for months. Pleading with his cousins for intervention and expressing readiness to apologize, his efforts were met with disinterest. Complimentary messages to his uncles yielded no reconciliation. Asif's every reconciliation move was met with a cold response. His fears of never meeting his grandmother again in this life were confirmed when he learned of her demise through a social media post.
This story imparts several lessons. Apology transcends the notions of right or wrong; it signifies valuing relationships over ego. Respecting delicate human sensitivities, eliminating jealousy and hatred, and encouraging harmony are essential. Above the statistical plane of profit and loss, we must contemplate actions that prioritise human connections.
Ageless Affection:
Caring for seniors and enhancing a positive relationship between grandchildren and grandparents holds immense importance, contributing to the well-being and overall health of both generations.
Emotional Well-being: Grandparents often derive immense joy and emotional fulfillment from the affectionate gestures of their grandchildren. Acts of care, such as spending time together, sharing conversations, or assisting with daily activities, can significantly contribute to the emotional well-being of seniors. Positive interactions with grandchildren can combat feelings of loneliness and isolation that some seniors may experience, fostering a sense of belonging and purpose.
Mental Stimulation: Interactions between grandparents and grandchildren provide mental stimulation for both parties. Engaging in activities together, sharing stories, or working on simple projects can keep seniors mentally active and contribute to cognitive health. For grandchildren, learning from the life experiences and wisdom of their grandparents can be intellectually enriching and contribute to their personal growth.
Physical Health: Grandparents who receive care and assistance from their grandchildren may experience improved physical health. Simple acts of support, like accompanying them on walks or helping with household chores, can have positive effects on their overall well-being. Encouraging physical activities also benefits the grandchildren, promoting a healthy and active lifestyle from an early age.
Intergenerational Bonding: Building strong bonds between generations fosters a sense of family unity. Grandparents often play a crucial role in passing down family traditions, values, and cultural heritage to their grandchildren, creating a continuum of shared experiences. Positive interactions contribute to a sense of identity and connectedness, helping grandchildren appreciate their family history and heritage.
Reciprocal Relationship: Encouraging grandchildren to be affectionate and caring towards their grandparents sets the stage for a reciprocal relationship. As grandchildren learn to provide care, they also receive valuable life lessons, developing empathy, compassion, and a sense of responsibility. Grandparents, in turn, can take pride in contributing to the personal development and growth of their grandchildren, creating a mutually enriching dynamic.
By Dr Zubair Saleem and Dr Showkat Rashid Wani
