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Her silent sufferings!!

A culture of silence is encouraged in patriarchal societies where women are expected to endure violence inflicted on them
11:30 PM Jan 22, 2025 IST | Bismah Yousuf
her silent sufferings
Representational image
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The case of 34-year-old Atul Subhash from Uttar Pradesh became a focal point of a debate nationwide last month after the release of his 20-page suicide note and a video went viral on social media. His story depicted his experience of violence while in a matrimonial relationship and his struggle for justice and harassment at the hands of state institutions. However, Atul left the constructed societal and patriarchal norms behind and publicized his ordeal of harassment. He gave his experience a medium and channeled it into a tangible and undeniable form. His courage to express his experience of harassment forced legal experts and advocates of the country to debate and discuss the rising issues of violence persisting in society. Atul became a voice for numerous voiceless people, resembling similar experiences of harassment.

Another tragic incident occurred in a rural area of Pahalgam, district Anantnag, Kashmir, where Shabnam Akhtar, in her early thirties, was allegedly murdered and burnt into ashes by her husband and her mother-in-law. Her story of violence and endurance in silence reveals another side of our society—where a marginalized woman like her could not voice her sufferings. A systematic culture of silence is encouraged in patriarchal societies where women are expected to endure violence inflicted on them in silence.

The physical and mental torture faced by Shabnam remained confined to the four walls of the house, which eventually ended in her fierce death. Like in many other societies, Kashmiri society being patriarchal imposes layers of its cultural and systematic forces that work in favour of silencing women’s voices. Such an environment where a woman’s voice falls before reaching people reflects the harsh reality of our society. Speaking about violence and oppression against women is firstly denied and then stigmatized and can be fraught with risks of death. A woman is trained to be passive and dependent, and she is molded to internalize that after her marriage, enduring abuse in silence is her marital duty. If she vocalizes her suffering, she has to face repercussions—ostracism from the community and exacerbated abuse by her husband and in-laws.

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Different societal institutions such as family, neighbourhood, and religious institutions reinforce this silence. Irrespective of economic background, women face domestic violence; multiple factors such as socio-economic status, living in a remote, rural area, education and limited access to other resources on intersecting exacerbate violence against women. Shabnam’s financial dependence on her husband, like many women in Kashmir, may have forced her to continue a violent relationship with her husband and in-laws and denied her a sound support system, isolating and compounding her vulnerability.

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We live in a society where a woman challenging patriarchal norms is seen as defiance, and a woman has to face victim-blaming; a culture of stigma is developed towards the woman who attempts to escape her marriage as she is considered a “failed woman.” Another essential factor contributing to silence towards violence against women is its normalization within households. The society also sees violence against women as a private matter, and people in the neighbourhood turn into mere spectators. This insensitivity among the larger population eventually turns into collective inaction and further silences the plight of victims of violence like Shabnam.

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Henceforth, here is a plea for equal space and voice. Our society needs to create an equal space for men and women to break the silence against violence and express their fears, pain and suffering. We need to encourage women to take solid action against perpetrators of violence without the fear of judgement. We need to realize our responsibility towards the daughters of our society and forge their struggles for justice.

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The government must also empower women through education, facilities of skill development courses and other income-generating sources. Further, there is a need to equip women from rural areas, particularly with the tools and support to act against oppression. With the service of One Stop Centres (OSCs) and other non-governmental organizations (NGOs), the government can enhance awareness about legal rights among women and encourage them to challenge brutality against them.

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To combat violence against women effectively, we need first to accept this issue as a societal issue affecting everyone. Regardless of identity and socio-economic background, we have to develop a culture of condemning violence against women at various levels of society, such as families, workplaces and other social institutions. Equal respect and support are needed to promote in society. Legal and social reforms are also significant, along with education, which is crucial to inheriting values of empathy and mutual respect among the young generation.

For a progressive society, we need to realize that violence in any form—physical, psychological, or systematic—weakens the very fabric of communities. It perpetuates the cycles of harm transcending generations. We need to come together to dismantle the systematic inequalities in our society. To protect our society from this pandemic, we need to work to develop an environment of safety, equity and empowerment.

Bismah Yousuf, Research Scholar, at the department of Politics and Governance, Central University of Kashmir