Harmonising Families | Senior Citizens as Peacemakers

Mediation, as a conflict resolution process, holds immense significance in today’s society. It provides a peaceful and constructive means of addressing disputes, especially within families. As we commemorate the International Day of Older Persons, we are reminded of the wisdom and guidance that senior citizens bring to such mediation processes.

In resolving family conflicts, mediation has emerged as a powerful tool. It offers a voluntary and confidential platform where neutral third parties, like mediators or, in this case, respected senior citizens, facilitate discussions and negotiations among disputing parties. This process encourages open dialogue, active participation, and creative problem-solving, making it an ideal choice for addressing complex family issues. In this context we will talk about Ulfat who was married to Sakib, who worked as a contractual lecturer in a college. Ulfat, an orphan, held an MA and BEd degree. She received a loving upbringing from her mother and was the favourite among her siblings. Her late father cherished her deeply. There was a memorable incident from her childhood when, at the age of three, Ulfat fell seriously ill during a harsh winter night. Her father, braving the heavy snow, carried her for miles to reach the hospital. He always dreamt of marrying her off to a prince from a fairy tale, someone with angelic qualities. Unfortunately, his untimely death was a tragic blow to the family.

Ulfat’s wedding was a dignified affair, attended by around 100 guests from the groom’s side. Her mother, despite her financial limitations, contributed a significant amount in cash and gold to Sakib. She earnestly requested him to take care of her daughter and make her happy. However, things took a sour turn from the beginning. Ulfat’s mother-in-law, Sara, treated her as an outsider and criticised her relentlessly. This, coupled with her husband’s indifferent attitude, made Ulfat’s life miserable. She felt compelled to maintain a fake smile in front of her mother, as she knew her widowed mother had taken a significant loan for her wedding and was also struggling to support her two other dependent children. Ulfat’s younger sister had orthopaedic disabilities. One day, Ulfat addressed her husband in Urdu, which greatly irritated Sara. She admonished Ulfat for adopting “western culture,” criticised and unjustly accused her mother. When Ulfat shared this incident with her husband, instead of consoling her, he physically abused her. They made her life a living nightmare and didn’t allow her to visit her parental home.

Ulfat’s health deteriorated, and she suffered from severe pulmonary discomfort. Her husband and other family members went to attend a relative’s marriage, leaving her alone at home. The next morning, she visited the Chest Disease Hospital, where doctors recommended various tests. When she requested financial support from Sakib for these tests, he callously refused. He made it clear that he didn’t care about her well-being. When the situation became unbearable, Ulfat sought refuge at her parental home. Despite the atrocities she endured, she refrained from revealing them to her family. Her mother couldn’t bear to see her daughter in pain and provided her with the best possible medical treatment, despite their financial constraints.

Meanwhile, Sakib’s ambition and self-centeredness drove him to pursue higher studies abroad. He pressured Ulfat to ask her mother for the necessary funds. Ulfat tried to explain their financial situation, but Sakib refused to listen. The in-laws continued to torment her within the confines of their home. During this tumultuous period, Ulfat gave birth to a daughter, but none of her in-laws visited her in the hospital. It was only after three days that Sakib reluctantly came to see her. He was cold and argumentative, even when Ulfat was in pain after three days of delivery. Sakib then imposed a strange condition: he would allow Ulfat to return but not their daughter, citing financial constraints. Many months later, Ulfat’s brother-in-law submitted an application on Sakib’s behalf to the president of the Mohalla Committee. The president explained to Sakib that the role of the Mohalla Committee is to mediate in family disputes, listen to everyone’s concerns, and help families make rational decisions that are acceptable to all parties.

Sakib had accused Ulfat of being mentally unstable and practising witchcraft against his family. The President convened a meeting at a local community hall, with senior citizens from both families participating. A representative from the local police station was also present. Sakib claimed that Ulfat was always sad and had created a negative environment at home. The Mohalla Committee President astutely pointed out that Ulfat’s sadness was a reflection of her toxic environment, marked by humiliation, ingratitude, jealousy, and hatred. It was clear that she longed for unfulfilled dreams. Despite having a doctorate, Sakib’s allegations of witchcraft were perplexing and baseless.

The senior citizens of the locality played a crucial role in resolving the dispute. They counselled Sakib and his mother to welcome Ulfat and her daughter back into the family with open hearts. Meanwhile, the elders reassured Ulfat and her mother that she would be treated with dignity and honour in her in-laws’ house. Sakib finally had a change of heart, and they started treating Ulfat kindly, as an integral part of the family. Senior citizens have a significant impact on resolving disputes and conflicts within families. Their impartiality, wisdom, and experience help mediate and preserve family bonds, preventing prolonged altercations and legal battles. They offer guidance, counselling, and support to family members, particularly the younger generation, who often grapple with financial and work-related stress. The seniors encourage patience, cheerfulness, and optimism, imparting valuable life lessons on how to lead contented and dignified lives. They guide family members spiritually and morally, contributing to their overall well-being. In essence, senior citizens serve as torchbearers of wisdom and experience, providing valuable insight and guidance to younger generations, parenting healthy family relationships, and preserving familial bonds.

( NOTE: Names are not real)