Hajj: My Spiritual Journey

Very well said that you are among the chosen ones that you get to visit such a holy place like Makkah and Madina. I had not even thought in my dreams that I would get to witness that place where our religion – Islam came into existence.

The only dua I made consistently was praying to Allah to get each and every Muslim visit the holy place at least once in their lifetime. After coming back from such a divine and spiritual journey, I don’t wish going anywhere anymore. It all started from the day my brother told me that he is planning to go for Hajj along with our mother. And I never knew I was also going to be a part of such a journey. Because indeed Allah is the best of planners.

I was with my usual routine when suddenly my visa confirmation text popped up on my mobile phone and I thanked Allah for chosing me for that place. I have been enough blessed to have my first experience in Makkah and Madina last year for Umrah. So, I was ready for the journey packing-wise as in what I had to carry and what not. We had a package of 30 days and it was quite a good time.

I packed the stuff some days prior to avoid the last minute hassle, and because the guests were pouring in so I had to be free until the day we left. And then finally, the day arrived when we left. It was quite an emotional day for everyone around us including me. Everyone around me was making special requests to me for prayers and I was preparing a long list in my head already. I found tears rolling down my eyes, my mind already imagining me being there in front of Kaaba. My mind could not stop thinking about Makkah and Madinah and I could not stop thanking Allah. And then the real journey began!

The place is holiest and when you step onto that land, there is a sudden shift of your mind from this materialistic world to the only reality that is there. I forgot the worldly matters and there is just one thing that I am consistently doing and that is  “Talbiya”. This is basically confessing that oh Allah, I am here.

My heart was crying , my eyes were wet and all I could do was making talbiya. My heart was yearning to get a sight of Kaaba but we were supposed to go to Haram the next day for our Umrah. That eagerness to get to see the Holy Kaaba once again was not letting me be at rest. I kept reading as much as I could about everything related to Hajj and finally we arrived in Ka’aba.

In my opinion, words cannot do justice to the emotions and the feelings I experienced while getting the first sight of Ka’aba, Alhamdulillah. I stood still and made dua for myself and everyone. I was grateful. Tears were rolling down my eyes and all I could think was that I am the chosen one to be here. For the whole time that we were there, I was only imagining that what would it be like back then when Islam came into existence.

It is not easy to be at such a place where our religion came into existence. Whenever I would recall the history, I would get goosebumps. Next, we had to enter the five days of Hajj. Hajj is one of the pillars among the five pillars of Islam. The journey of those five days was worth it.

I realized Hajj is just not about the tag of being called as “Haji”. It is well more than that. It is about submitting yourself to Allah. It is about leaving behind the worldly pleasures for the hereafter. It is about staying calm and composed no matter what the situation. It is about keeping your nafs in control. Everyone is equal before Almighty Allah and Hajj is the best example to witness that.

Hajj is a test of your patience. It lets you know so much about yourself and at the same time it brings humility in oneself. Hajj is not about staying in lavish hotels, having 5 star facilities, getting services with just one tap on the receiver. Hajj is that spiritual journey where you understand the reality of the hereafter and  the temporariness of this world.

Everyone is supposed to stay in tents in Mina, from where the Hajj journey of 5 days actually begins. Once we reached there, we got down from our bus and I was expecting to enter our respective tent right in the moment. I believe the trials started from there itself. We waited for a long period of time in the queue in that scorching heat where I was carrying bag packs, and at the same time was carrying my niece (11 months old then) on the stroller. She started crying and heat started annoying her lot more than it did us. I picked her up from the stroller and tried comforting her but all in vain.

At the same time, I was concerned for my mother who could not stand for longer time and that too in that heat. Everyone was trying to comfort themselves in one way or the other. Initially, I caught myself getting irritated because of the time it was taking to get settled down in tents but by the time we were already in our tents in Mina, I took a sigh of relief and got to experience and understand a lot of things.

Besides all the rituals that one has to perform as a part of Hajj, there are so many other things that shapes up the journey of Hajj. You have to keep in mind to do what you are supposed to do. I took rest and I regained my energy for making dhikr, azkar, duas, salah. At times, I felt everything I am going through whether that be standing in long queues to get to perform ablution or get some food to eat, all tested my patience throughout this journey.

The only challenge was to stay patient. We had my niece with us so it was a bit cumbersome to take care of her and perform the rituals simultaneously. But Alhamdulillah, Allah gave me enough strength to carry forward with both. We are grateful to Allah to bless her with patience throughout our journey. Then came the day of Arafah which is all about making duas, repentance and expressing our gratitude towards Him. I was very keen to climb upto the mountain Rahmah and make dua but unfortunately, our tents were afar from there and it was not possible in that huge crowd to reach there so we made duas outside our given tents.

My heart was yearning to climb the mountain where our Prophet (PBUH) delivered His last Hajj sermon. My heart was crying, my hands were shivering and my lips were busy making dua, asking Allah for forgiveness, praising His divine mercy. The environment was all different. Everyone with their wounded hearts, with their hands up in the air, looking towards sky, tears rolling down their face, standing in the scorching heat, was making duas.

The night in Muzdalifah taught me that how peaceful it was to spend the whole night under sky on roads, without any of the facilities like an AC or a cooler or a fan. There was such a huge crowd. We had with us extra sheets to lay down on the road but when I found out there were people who didn't have one, I offered them with those extra ones. I think it is all about this. I offered my salah and tried getting some rest. I lied down straight looking towards the sky and continued praising the Divine and felt asleep.

The distance that we had to walk towards Jamarat and back to Mina tents was the real test. Jamarat is the place where we have to throw pebbles at the devil. We have to perform this ritual merely for the sake of Allah and we don’t have to do it any other way except for that way we have been asked to. There is no transport allowance on the roads of Mina and Jamarat for these 5 days of Hajj. So we had to walk quite a long distance for straight 3 days.

I ran short on energy having two bagpacks on shoulders and carrying my niece as well. It was quite a test and Alhamdulillah I managed to do it. I kept praising Allah, expressing my gratitude all the time. Suddenly, rain happened and I let myself drench in that rain for the very first time. I was all drenched covering my niece from all sides. That was indeed Allah’s mercy on us.

My heart was not ready to leave Makkah. I wanted to stay there for long. But I was equally eager to visit the city of our Prophet (PBUH). I could not contain my emotions. I was looking out from the window of our bus that was taking us through the routes to Madina and my heart was crying already to get to visit the holy place like Madina once again. I was yearning to be in Riyaz ul Jannah (garden of paradise). We had our appointment next day of our arrival. I cannot express in words how intense emotions I felt while being in Riyaz ul Jannah.

I was taking my steps so carefully so that I may not commit any mistake unknowingly. I relaxed my arms down and closed both my hands in front of me. Tears rolling down my eyes. I kept standing at one of the pillars among all the pillars, facing towards Rawda e Rasool (SAW) offering my salam and durood constantly to our Prophet (SAW). I was hopeful that my durood and salam are reaching Him ( SAW) and they are Insha Allah being answered.

Following days in Madina, after offering salah, I would usually go and sit in front of the Green tomb (Gumbad e Khizra), looking towards it and reminding myself of the status of our Prophet (SAW). There is so much peace in that place. I kept praying to Allah to grant us Shifaat of our Prophet (SAW) on the day of judgement - Aameen.

By: Sana Khurshid