Fear: It doesn’t fade out!

Fear, the face of failure, the door to perhaps every success. What if this happens, what if that happens, the world will come to an end, maybe it will end forever; the fear appears in million different ways - questions, apprehensions, phantoms, illusions.

I say I am clueless, my heart is palpitating faster. I want an escape. I want a sense of calm, a sense of rest. But the fear; it refuses to disappear - questions, apprehensions, phantoms, illusions.

I become restless, start seeking help of near ones. Listen, I don’t feel well. I fear the situation. They say calm down, it’s all in the head. There is when it pains even more. I know it is in head and may be I don’t live in heart. Head is my home and I want it to be happy. Fear jumps again, thoughts crossing my mind vigorously. Stop I said, my heart is palpitating faster. I can’t take it anymore.

Let’s take a deep sigh, relax; all will be fine. But fear knocks again. I am flooded again with thoughts. It’s all weird. More than messy. I am again helpless; can anyone help? They say calm down, I try but fear sticks to my mind. I am tired. I can’t fight. I want a deep rest.

They say you can do it, I feel the same, but only for a bit. I am tired, I am tired. I am only tired. God take this pain. This feels like an unseen, unexplainable pain, pricking me every moment. I get up, take a deep sigh; restless again, I seek help. They say take it easy. Do not fear. How do I say, I don’t want it. “It comes to me.”

Fear, I hate you, you make me unattractive; painfully obsessive and vigorously compulsive.

 Rutbah Nisar is a student of English literature. She was a part of GKSC first Batch.