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Don't destroy your children!

There are things your children can do and things they cannot, please undersatnd.
12:00 AM Apr 22, 2024 IST | DR. FAHAD SHAHJAR
don t destroy your children
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While being concerned, sometimes we end up being cruel. Dear reader, let me share an experience with you.

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One of my students rang me up, sobbing, “ Sir agar mera nai hopaya, mai ghar walu ko kya muon dikhao ga”. He was appearing for NEET, feeling crushed under the weight of parental expectations. He called me to vent his feelings, welling up in his heart. After enquiring about his situation, I got to know that he was in a hostel away from home and his father had called him up in the morning, asking, “shall I bring the medicine books and a white lab coat along with a stethoscope for you.”

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He was yet to appear in exams while the father assumed that his son had already cracked the NEET. Further, while he was bitterly crying on phone, he informed me that whenever his parents call, they never ask anything about him. All they ask is, “tell us what rank you would be, so that we announce it to our relatives and village fellows.” Thus it went, and the boy felt devastated.

Parents' role in the life of a student can be decisive for they are a shield against the storms of life. Though their love is unconditional and never dying, yet sometimes they pin countless expectations in their children, ending up in stressing their children.
Parents must understand that every individual is born different with unique talent and capabilities. In challenging situations, like exams, parents must understand that a student can give his 100 percent but cannot decide the outcome of the process. A person can hope for the best but can’t predict the result.

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Dear parents, please take into account the flood of hormones that a teenager carries in his body. They affects his mood, behaviour and that in turn impacts his performance. Sit with your child, listen and don’t judge while being patient with his mood swings. You may think that he is hamming up the things but he is not. All your child needs is your support, unconditional support during the period of adolescence. Sometimes lending an attentive ear to the frustrations of your child is the best support you can provide; it can do magic.

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Next time when you find your child little casual with studies, be more affectionate and make him sit with you; let him burst while you are all ears. You must take a long view of circumstances. Take trouble and dig deep into the apparent silence of your children during tough times for they are smouldering with emotions only to be supported and heard of. Sit with them, listen keenly and they will reveal themselves. Hear, imbibe and then act.

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Don’t be judgmental, nor impatient, and never crude. In our situation being an understanding parent is difficult, for their school life was quite different from the school life of their children. One cannot look at new times through the old spectacles. Times change and so do the problems and this is the reason parents should first understand the challenges of present times that their children face. Try to minimize the communication gap between you and your children.

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Let them speak to you without inhibitions. Make your children feel that you are the dumping site of all their worries, and even their darkest secrets. Let them see you as their saviours.
Most of the teenagers turn to drugs only because they fear to share their failures, troubles, loneliness, betrayals and pain with their parents.

And yes, please don’t put unnecessary burden of expectations on your children. Feel for them, grow empathy and think they too are humans and not machines. There are things they can do and things they cannot. Figure them out and love your children for they are your most precious asset.

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