Decline of Modesty and Reverence for Elders

Aging was a world with reverence once. It brought comfort. Whatever our elderly would yearn for, they were provided it on priority. And besides the utmost care, reverence, and awe; these elderly would act as a source of inculcating the ethical and moral values among their children and grandchildren. They advised us to live in harmony, brotherhood and as a community, devoid of any ill-will. Above all, the uppermost thing in every society was the spirit of modesty and reticence called Haya, of the elders. But how sad! The lost art of bashfulness for our elders now is a forgotten virtue of filial devotion. Yet, certain individuals like me whose parents have flown beyond time and space, crave to rediscover the sense of modesty for the elderly in our society.

In Islamic terminology, Haya (shyness) is mainly used in the context of modesty. It encourages Muslims to avoid anything considered to be distasteful or abominable. It is one of the most important parts of Iman (faith). Throughout my life, I had seen people observing shyness when the elders were around. Be it in the Masjid, in the market, at home or elsewhere. Some decades back, nobody even dared to stand in front of the elders. Such used to be modesty. Elders were revered as treasures of wisdom, their age and experience commanding respect and admiration. However, in today’s ultra-modern world, the spirit of shyness towards elders seems to be fading. The traditional values of filial piety, once deeply ingrained in our culture, are slowly eroding. We see fewer younger generations offering seats to elderly strangers, fewer gentle hands helping them cross the street, and fewer attentive ears listening to their stories. This decline in modesty not only diminishes the dignity of our elders but also undermines the very fabric of our societal harmony.

As adults we never dared to utter a word before our elders. No sooner, an elderly person been sighted on the road or the shop front than we took to our heels and preferred another route. But today, it all is the reverse. These elders have to face what not. There are puffed cigarettes in front of them. A society where a son openly beats his elderly parents clearly indicates how topsy-turvy our system of modesty is. Not to talk of one’s own parents, we didn’t even muster courage to keep standing before other elderly in the village. At times, when our elders uttered something, we would listen to them with rapt attention with our heads bowed down.

They taught us that respecting elders was not just a moral obligation but a sacred duty. They believed that the wisdom of age was a precious gift, one that deserved gratitude and humility. Yet, in our pursuit of modernity and individualism, we have forgotten these timeless lessons. We have begun to view elders as a burden, rather than as guardians of our heritage. We have traded awe and shyness for indifference, and in doing so, we risk losing the valuable insights and life experiences that only our elders can provide. By neglecting to show modesty towards our elders, we are, in essence, discarding a vital part of our cultural identity.

I remember how in my childhood elders were respected. I just can’t resist recalling a fight in the bus which occurred due to the disrespect of an elderly. In those days, a single RTC bus JKO5Y-544 would ply from Dangiwacha to Sopore driven by a rigid and strict Quyum driver who never allowed any passenger to pollute his bus. As a collegian, I had to board his bus daily. One day, Samad Kak, Haji Samad Sheikh, a rich man in our vicinity traveled in this bus who had snuffed Nass (naswar, a moist tobacco placed under the lip). The moment he spat the content out from his mouth. It spoiled the bus outside. And no sooner Quyum driver saw him spitting from his side view mirror than he started unkindly rebuking Samad Kak, saying, “Huv Budda! Gaede Manz Kyuzze Traeveth Naste Thohak?” (Loosely translated as ‘Hey old man, why did you spit in my bus?’). Hardly would have Quyum ended his harsh language than every passenger inside the bus flexed his muscles aggressively and taught Qayoom, a lesson to never disrespect and disrepute any elderly in the bus.

In our Nagrad mohalla Dangiwacha, when any elderly would fall ill. Almost the entire habitation would visit him and enquire about his health. People in the mohalla would covertly assist him in multiple ways till he would completely recuperate. But nowadays, nobody is with these elders. We are fully aware of the convolutions they are going through. Yet, we don’t pay heed to anything.

As we navigate the complexities of our rapidly changing world, it is essential that we rediscover the lost spirit of modesty for elders. Need of the hour is to recognie the inherent value of age and experience, and honour the contributions our elders have made to our society so far. By doing so, we can rejuvenate the intergenerational bonds that once strengthened our communities. Let us relearn the beauty of humility, the power of listening, and the dignity of deference.

Dr Rafeeq Masoodi is former Secretary Cultural Academy & ADG, Doordarshan, Srinagar