Counselling Experiences in Distance Education

During the admission process for the B.Ed program in Distance Education, I encountered an elderly man named Rafiq (name changed) who had come to complete the admission formalities for his daughter, Nyla (name changed). Despite Rafiq’s repeated attempts to contact Nyla for some signatures, she ignored his calls. When I called her from my phone, she answered immediately, and I asked her to visit my office the next day to finalize the paperwork.

Rafiq appeared visibly distressed, so I offered him a seat and a glass of cold water. The next day, Nyla arrived at my office with her father.

Throughout the conversation, Nyla interrupted Rafiq frequently and seemed irritated by his presence. Her behavior and expressions reflected arrogance. She hastily signed the necessary documents and left on her scooter, leaving Rafiq to complete the remaining formalities and pay the admission fee.

I later had a focused discussion with Rafiq, during which he shared his painful story. A retired section officer, Rafiq lives with his wife, Saleema, and their two daughters. Since their marriage, Saleema had made his life miserable, often complaining that she was younger than him and that he wasn’t a suitable match. Despite Rafiq’s efforts to make her happy, she showed no gratitude, constantly finding excuses to create conflict.

One day, Rafiq made a light-hearted comment about Saleema in front of relatives, which she later turned into a major issue. From then on, Rafiq avoided speaking in front of guests and stayed away from social situations. Even when guests visited, Saleema would scrutinize his behavior and diet, making everyone uncomfortable.

Toward the end of Rafiq’s service, a tragic incident occurred. One rainy night, Saleema’s brother and some guests arrived at their home late. Saleema insisted that Rafiq, who was unwell, go out to buy milk, chicken, cigarettes, and diapers for her brother’s child. On his way, Rafiq was hit by a car and left unconscious on the road. He was hospitalized in critical condition and later suffered partial orthopedic disability.

While Rafiq was bedridden, Saleema treated him with cruelty, neglecting his basic needs like food and medicine and dragging him to the toilet. His daughters, including Nyla, were indifferent to his suffering.

One day, the family left for a wedding, locking Rafiq inside the house. In their absence, Rafiq struggled to reach the toilet and soiled his undergarments. Upon returning, Saleema became furious and tried to strangle him, blaming him for the mess and insulting him.

Rafiq’s requests for simple things like medicine were often ignored, leading to more tension and conflict. Saleema defended their daughters’ wrongdoings and extravagance, leaving Rafiq as a silent observer. On one occasion, Rafiq found a packet of cigarettes in Nyla’s room and informed Saleema, who accused him of trying to defame their daughters. His in-laws labeled him as dry and mad, publicly mocking him. Despite all this, Rafiq continued to pray for the safety and well-being of his daughters.

After sharing his ordeal, Rafiq broke down in tears. I consoled him with verses from the Quran, reminding him of the promise of ease after hardship (Surah Ash-Sharh, 94:6) and the mercy of Allah (Surah Az-Zumar, 39:53). He left with a glimmer of hope.

Nyla began attending counseling classes as part of the B.Ed program, and I remained in contact with her father, hoping to play a small role as a counselor. During my sessions with Nyla, I used active listening techniques to make her feel understood while gently guiding her to consider the impact of her actions on her father. I also shared articles related to senior citizens, hoping to awaken her latent love for her father.

As part of my approach, I shared a verse from the Quran (Surah Al-Isra, 17:24) that emphasizes the importance of showing gratitude and compassion toward one’s parents. This message resonated deeply with Nyla, prompting her to reflect on her behavior. I also facilitated guided conversations between Nyla and her father, creating a safe space for them to express their feelings and experiences. Through these sessions, Nyla began to develop a deeper sense of empathy and gratitude for her father.

Over time, targeted counseling sessions that incorporated active listening, cognitive restructuring, and the reinforcement of cultural and religious values helped Nyla shift her perspective.

She recognized the significant sacrifices her father had made for her well-being and success. Reflective exercises, such as revisiting childhood photo albums, played a crucial role in deepening her understanding and empathy toward her father.