Communal Intimacy on the Horizon: Rebuilding “We” in the Selfie Era
In a world that extols the virtues of self-reliance and digital connection, a curious paradox emerges: despite being more “connected” than ever, an epidemic of loneliness quietly pervades our societies. The pervasive focus on individual narratives, often curated through the lens of a smartphone camera in what we might call the “Selfie Era,” has inadvertently led to a thinning of the collective fabric. We’ve mastered the art of presenting ourselves, but perhaps forgotten the deeper, more profound art of belonging. This challenge, urgent and universal, brings into sharp focus the timeless wisdom embedded in communal intimacy – the art of “we.” As we look towards the “Horizon of Connection,” the blueprints for rebuilding this essential sense of belonging may well lie in reviving ancient practices and prototyping new forms of collective solidarity, often inspired by India’s rich heritage of shared living.
The Fading Echoes of “We”: The Rise of Individualism
For generations, the concept of “we” was the very bedrock of existence in many societies, particularly in India. The joint family system, for instance, wasn’t merely a living arrangement; it was a intricate social organism providing inherent support, shared responsibilities, and an unbreakable sense of belonging. Research on living arrangements strongly supports this, indicating that individuals living alone experience significantly higher odds of loneliness compared to those residing in joint family structures. The elderly found companionship and purpose, children grew up surrounded by multiple caregivers and mentors, and responsibilities were naturally distributed, cushioning life’s inevitable blows.
However, rapid urbanization, economic shifts, and the aspirational pull towards nuclear family structures have gradually eroded this traditional bulwark against isolation. Our cities, though teeming with millions, can often feel like isolating islands, where neighbors remain strangers and daily interactions are largely transactional. The digital realm, while offering superficial connections, can exacerbate this by creating echo chambers and fostering a comparative mindset that leaves individuals feeling inadequate or overlooked. The consequence is a silent epidemic of loneliness, where the desire to belong remains unfulfilled amidst the cacophony of individualistic pursuits.
Reclaiming Shared Spaces: Blueprints from the Past and Present
Despite the centrifugal forces pulling us apart, the innate human yearning for connection persists, manifesting in beautiful attempts to reclaim communal intimacy. Across India, subtle yet powerful movements are providing tangible blueprints for how we can rebuild the “we.”
The Enduring Embrace of Joint Families: While their prevalence may have reduced in urban centers, the underlying principle of the joint family’s capacity to master belonging remains highly relevant. This traditional structure intrinsically mitigated loneliness by ensuring constant social interaction, shared meals, collective care for the young and old, and readily available emotional support. It serves as a powerful reminder of what integrated communal living can offer.
Mumbai’s Society Potlucks: Urban Weaving: In the bustling apartment complexes of Mumbai, where life often feels anonymous, residents are proactively creating pockets of communal intimacy through simple yet effective initiatives like society potlucks. These aren’t just casual gatherings; they are intentional acts of community building. Families bring dishes, sharing not just food but stories, laughter, and a slice of their lives. These informal interactions foster familiarity, spark friendships, and gradually transform a collection of individual units into a vibrant, interconnected neighborhood. They prove that even in the most densely populated urban landscapes, the desire for genuine connection can find organic expression.
Punjab’s Phulkari Stitching Circles: Threads of Togetherness: In the heart of Punjab, the intricate art of Phulkari embroidery, traditionally passed down through generations, has always been more than just a craft. It’s a testament to shared creation and intergenerational bonding. Women would historically gather in circles, their fingers meticulously weaving vibrant threads, but their conversations simultaneously weaving the fabric of their community. These phulkari stitching circles were informal social hubs, where stories were exchanged, wisdom imparted, and friendships solidified. They exemplify how shared creative endeavors, rooted in cultural heritage, can foster deep, enduring bonds and a profound sense of collective identity.
Kashmir’s Kangri Warming Circles: Collective Comfort: And in the serene, often snow-laden valleys of Kashmir, a tradition like gathering around the Kangri—a traditional fire pot—during long winters offers another poignant example. These aren’t just sources of warmth; they are circles of intimacy. Families and neighbors huddle together, sharing stories, exchanging news, and simply being present with one another. The Kangri becomes a focal point for communal comfort, where the shared silence of contemplation or the warmth of collective laughter naturally fosters deep bonds, far removed from the individual glow of digital screens.
The Horizon of Connection: Prototyping Future Communities
As we look towards the horizon of urban living, these grassroots efforts provide crucial insights into how future mental wellness hubs and social safety nets might evolve. The “Selfie Era” needs more than just individual coping mechanisms; it requires systemic innovation in how we design and inhabit our communities.
One compelling prototype emerging from necessity and ingenuity is the concept of Apartment “Roti Banks.” Born out of a simple, deeply Indian principle of sharing, these initiatives see residents in apartment complexes collectively contributing extra rotis (flatbreads) or meals, which are then distributed to the needy within or outside the complex. This isn’t charity in the distant sense; it’s a direct, tangible act of communal responsibility. The “Roti Bank” creates a practical social safety net, but more importantly, it cultivates a sense of mutual reliance and collective care. It transforms impersonal apartment blocks into compassionate communities, where a shared understanding of human need transcends individual boundaries.
Imagine this principle scaled up: shared urban gardens where residents cultivate food and friendships, skill-sharing networks where neighbors teach and learn from each other, or co-housing initiatives designed to foster intentional community. The future of belonging lies in intentionally creating spaces and systems that encourage interaction, interdependence, and shared purpose, moving beyond the mere co-existence of individuals.
Beyond the Screen: Cultivating Authentic Connection
The “Selfie Era” has taught us to be masters of presentation, to curate our lives for external validation. However, genuine communal intimacy flourishes in spaces of vulnerability, where filters are dropped and real human connection takes precedence over online performance. It requires:
Active Presence: Putting down our phones and truly listening to the person in front of us.
Shared Vulnerability: Being willing to express our true selves, fears, and joys, rather than just the highlights reel.
Collective Action: Engaging in activities that benefit the larger community, fostering a shared sense of purpose and achievement.
It’s a subtle but profound shift from asking “What’s in it for me?” to “How can we thrive together?”
The Weaving of a Stronger Fabric
The yearning for belonging is a fundamental human need that no amount of digital likes or followers can truly satisfy. As we navigate the complex currents of modern life, the wisdom of communal intimacy, whether found in the echoes of joint families, the warmth of society potlucks, the intricate threads of Phulkari circles, or the compassionate sharing of “Roti Banks,” offers a powerful compass. It reminds us that our deepest sense of well-being is often found not in solitary achievement, but in the strength of our connections. It’s about consciously choosing to invest in the “we,” stitching together the fragmented pieces of our society, one shared meal, one helping hand, one genuine conversation at a time, towards a future horizon where belonging is not a luxury, but a lived reality for all.
Arhan Bagati is a youth leader from Kashmir and the founder of KYARI, a non-profit organization addressing critical issues in the region. He is also the Awareness and Impact Ambassador for the Paralympic Committee of India and is currently pursuing a Master in Public Policy at the John F. Kennedy School of Government at Harvard University. His commitment to social change was recently further acknowledged when Hindustan Times named him a 30 Under 30 – Social Impact Leader. Additionally, he has co-produced the movie Ground Zero.
