Choices and Consequences

A news report circulated in the local daily and on social media, detailing the disappearance of Abdul Rehman, an elderly individual who had left his home without informing anyone and had not returned for over a month. The report hinted at concerns about Abdul Rehman’s mental well-being, shedding light on a complex story of family dynamics and personal choices.

Abdul Rehman, once a manager at the State Forest Corporation, had moved from his village to the city in pursuit of a better life for his family. However, his decision to heed the advice of colleagues and construct a house in the city without fully considering the consequences set the stage for subsequent challenges. His wife, Razia, known for her fiery temper, did not show respect or hospitality to Abdul Rehman’s ailing parents when they visited, creating tension and discomfort during their brief stays. Despite Abdul Rehman’s efforts to mediate and maintain harmony, his family environment remained strained, with financial constraints often cited as a barrier to supporting his parents’ needs.

Amidst this turmoil, Abdul Rehman’s mother emerged as a source of unwavering love and wisdom. Before her passing, she shared poignant advice with her son, stressing the importance of patience, resilience, and preserving ancestral ties. She cautioned against selling their inherited property, foreseeing the challenges Abdul Rehman would face post-retirement and urging him to find solace in spirituality and familial bonds. Despite his mother’s counsel, Abdul Rehman succumbed to pressures from his wife and family members, selling his share of the ancestral property and relinquishing his burial rights in the family graveyard. As he entered retirement, feelings of confinement and dependency engulfed him, leading to strained relationships and emotional distress within his household.

Tragically, Abdul Rehman’s fears of familial betrayal and violence were realized when he read about a similar fate befalling another individual in the local news. Overwhelmed by fear and despair, he vanished from his home, seeking refuge in the familiarity of his ancestral village. His journey ended in tragedy, with his lifeless body discovered near a shrine, a painful reminder of the consequences of forsaking ancestral wisdom and succumbing to familial discord.

Abdul Rehman’s painful story serves as a cautionary tale, highlighting the importance of foresight, resilience, and familial harmony in navigating life’s challenges. It underscores the enduring significance of ancestral wisdom and the devastating consequences of betraying familial bonds for material gain. Through Abdul Rehman’s experiences, readers are reminded of the profound impact of personal choices on one’s well-being and the enduring legacy of familial love and guidance.

Few strategies how seniors can live a dignified and autonomous life post retirement

1. Respect their independence:

Seniors may have a strong desire to maintain their independence even after retirement. This could mean allowing them to make decisions about their daily routines, such as what they want to eat, how they want to spend their time, and when they prefer to rest or socialize. Avoid making decisions on their behalf unless it’s necessary for their health and safety.

2. Listen actively:

Actively listening to seniors involves giving them your full attention, maintaining eye contact, and showing genuine interest in what they have to say. Avoid interrupting or dismissing their thoughts and feelings. By actively listening, you validate their experiences and demonstrate that their perspectives are valued.

3. Offer assistance when needed:

Pay attention to signs that indicate when seniors may require assistance, such as difficulty with mobility, memory loss, or trouble managing daily tasks. Offer your help in a respectful and non-intrusive manner, and be willing to accommodate their preferences and limitations.

4. Encourage social interaction:

Social isolation can negatively impact an elder’s mental and emotional well-being. Encourage them to stay socially active by participating in activities they enjoy, such as joining clubs, attending religious or community events, or engaging in hobbies. Offer to accompany them if they need assistance or encouragement.

5. Respect their privacy:

Seniors value their privacy, just like anyone else. Respect their boundaries by knocking before entering their living space, asking for permission before sharing personal information about them, and refraining from prying into their personal affairs unless invited to do so.

6. Ensure safety and well-being:

Assess their living environment for potential hazards and make necessary modifications to ensure their safety. This may include installing grab bars in the bathroom, removing tripping hazards, and ensuring adequate lighting. Additionally, encourage them to attend regular medical check-ups and assist them in managing their medications if needed.

7. Celebrate milestones:

Whether it’s a birthday, anniversary, or other significant milestone, take the time to celebrate and honor their achievements. This could involve organizing a small gathering with family and friends, preparing their favorite meal, or creating a scrapbook of memorable moments.

8. Stay connected: Regular communication is essential for maintaining a strong bond with seniors, especially if you live apart. Schedule regular visits, phone calls, or video chats to stay connected and show that you care. Share updates about your life, ask about their well-being, and reminisce about shared memories.
9. Provide emotional support: Aging can bring about various emotional challenges, including feelings of loneliness, anxiety, or sadness. Be a source of emotional support by offering a listening ear, providing words of encouragement, and offering reassurance during difficult times. Express empathy and compassion, and validate their feelings without judgement.
10. Involve them in family activities: Seniors often cherish opportunities to spend time with family members and participate in family traditions and activities. Include them in family gatherings, celebrations, and outings, and make an effort to engage them in meaningful conversations and activities that they enjoy.

By incorporating these detailed strategies into your interactions with seniors post-retirement, you can contribute to their overall well-being and enhance the quality of their retirement years.

By Dr Showkat Rashid Wani and Dr Zubair Saleem

Dr Zubair Saleem is a Senior Geriatric Consultant and Gerontologist and Dr Showkat Rashid Wani is a Senior Coordinator, Directorate of Distance Education, University of Kashmir

( Note: Names in the article may not be real)