Charity begins at home

“We splurge our life savings on two desiderata: House and Wedding,” parrots almost every Kashmiri person. But does this stop us from squandering our savings on these two essentials? The answer is a big NO. Then why tender such ‘meaningless’ remarks in the first place? Are we so shameless that we preach but don’t practice? Or, may be, the old adage, “Charity begins at home” has not reached us.

Talking about the first phenomenon that is construction of house, let’s confess: It’s expressly  tailored to flaunt our wealth, and the number of rooms and floors, the architecture of roof,  and its sheer size is an important determining factor.

Our house is sou qua non for establishing our status symbol, our emblem of success. It constitutes a distinguishing mark that separates my worth from your worthlessness. The bigger the house, the more dabao you assert on the public.

To gratify this dabao, we, generally, go to absurd lengths; doing all the ‘poz apuz’, resorting to corrupt means, usurping the rights of others and then shamelessly justify it as ‘majboori’. And then there is another group who are not just extravagant but foolish and suicidal who go under a spiralling debt by taking loans etcetera in order to outdo his ‘competitor’ who is usually his relative or neighbour. And, a line of attention for those who make an aberration from indulging in such nefarious crimes, activities and practices get labeled as “na ahl”              

Now coming to the second essential that is, marriage. Apart from socially recognised covenant between two people, marriage, we all know and acknowledge, is an important sunnah of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and he stressed on keeping it simple to the extent that he said the most blessed marriage is the least expensive one. We all have heard it before? Perhaps, we all quote it as well, right? But do we put it into practice?

Our weddings have turned into extravagant showpieces and here your status is brazenly measured by the number of siyn you serve in wazwaan, the layers of the shamyana, zool, sonvas, the gewan weyl, expensive wedding clothes et al. I forgot to mention all this begins with dro’ig wedding cards (which are later found in dustbins, no matter the qeymat).

Given the reprehensible trend of vanity and extravagance in wedding festivities, it’s no wonder that the average age of marriage, as per the National Health Profile 2015 report, is higher in JK state than all other states in India. Am I an important factor for their late marriages, one should introspect? Do we never ask ourselves what harm and repercussions we cast on the lives of the poor?

Tailpiece:- All our life we grumble, “Koshur chu kharaab” so we want them to change, we even try to change them, as they are selfish, arrogant,  greedy, corrupt, et cetera, et cetera, but we never want to alter our behaviours. We want others to introspect but not ourselves. We always pass the buck on our society for all the wrongs, oblivious to the fact that its we who make society. So before preaching others to practice, let’s pledge to change ourselves for better and the best.

And let’s end with a bitter truth: Behind one’s back, we question the income of those indulging in extravagance and pomp, we either call them “phaet mit” or “haraam ponsi", yet audaciously we mouth praises and platitudes upon meeting them.

By Kamran Shamshad