Be thankful for all the troubles you don't have
“We cannot do great things on this earth, only small things with great love.” (Mother Teresa)
In a world filled with constant challenges and obstacles, it can be easy to get caught up in the struggles we face on day-to-day basis. From financial difficulties to health problems, it can sometimes feel like we are constantly battling against the odds. However, it is important to take a step back and remember to be thankful for all the troubles we don't have.
When we focus on the problems we face, it can be easy to lose sight of the many blessings in our lives. We may not have the biggest house or the fanciest car, but we have a roof over our heads and a means of transportation. We may not have the perfect job or the ideal relationship, but we have the opportunity to work and the love of friends and family. By shifting our perspective and focusing on the things we do have, rather than the things we don't, we can cultivate a sense of gratitude that can help us navigate life's challenges with grace and resilience. Always remember that every moment is a gift. Whatever life gives us, we can respond with joy. Joy is the happiness that does not depend on what happens. It is the grateful response to the opportunity that life offers us at this moment.
Be someone who would always declare that the glass is half-full rather than half-empty. Also be willing to face the rebuttals in Catch-22 situations to each of your pessimistic friends and remind them of the blessings they should be counting: You say: "Be thankful you're healthy." "Be bitter you're not going to stay that way" they reply. You say: "Be glad you're even alive." "Be furious you're going to die." or like: "Things could be much worse," They retort. In fact, the smarter among them would argue heatedly: "They could be one hell of a lot better." Always Look on the Bright Side of Life.
“In truth, O judges, while I wish to be adorned with every virtue, yet there is nothing which I can esteem more highly than the being and appearing grateful. For this one virtue is not only the greatest, but is also the parent of all the other virtues. What is filial affection, but a grateful inclination towards one's parents?—who are good citizens, who are they who deserve well of their country both in war and at home but they who recollect the kindness which they have received from their country?—who are pious men who are men attentive to religious obligations, but they who with proper honours and with a grateful memory acquit themselves to the immortal gods of the gratitude which they owe to them?—what pleasure can there be in life, if friendships be taken away?—and, moreover, what friendship can exist between ungrateful people?” (Cicero)
Being thankful for all the troubles we don't have can also help us develop a sense of empathy and compassion for others. When we take the time to reflect on our own blessings, we are better able to appreciate the struggles that others may be facing. This can lead to a greater sense of connection and understanding with those around us, as we recognise that all of us are fighting our own battles and could use a little extra support and kindness.
‘Gratitude’ is a multi-layered, complex concept with multiple definitions. It can be regarded at many levels of analysis ranging from momentary affect to long-term dispositions (McCullough, 2004), as a general state of thankfulness and/or appreciation (Sansone & Sansone, 2010), and as the recognition and appreciation of an altruistic gift (Emmons, 2004). There is a wealth of evidence reflecting on the benefits we derive from expressing gratitude and appreciation; such expressions evoke an array of psychological, social, and physical benefits that promote our psychological, social and physiological health (Wood, Froh, & Geraghty, 2010). “Gratitude turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity…it makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” (Melody Beattie)
Gratitude is one of the primary elements of positive psychology… and for a very good reason. The expression of gratitude is an exercise and like all exercises, repetition and practice make it perfect. Ingratitude is the “essence of vileness,” (Immanuel Kant) “Ingratitude is the most horrible and unnatural crime that a person is capable of committing.” (David Hume) Research has shown time and again that gratitude, or even just saying ‘thank you,’ has several mental and physical benefits (Wong & Brown, 2017). Merely feeling grateful may not be enough for “Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” (William Arthur Ward)
Expressing gratitude can lead to significant increases in subjective, psychological, spiritual, and physical wellbeing; the benefits of expressing gratitude are many. Hill, Allemand, and Roberts (2013) postulated that grateful individuals are better able to form social bonds, utilize coping skills to defer stress, maintain positive affect, and are more creative in problem solving. Bartlett, Condon, Cruz, Baumann, and Desteno (2012) suggested gratitude is related to increases in relationship satisfaction, social affiliation, and facilitates socially inclusive behaviours, even when those actions come at a personal cost to oneself.
Gratitude serves the social function of promoting relationships with others who are responsive to our likes and dislikes, our needs and preferences, helping us get through difficult times and flourish in good times (Algoe, Haidt & Gable, 2008). Additionally, expressions of gratitude also increase prosocial behaviour by enabling individuals to feel social worth and support while simultaneously reducing their feelings of uncertainty about whether they can help effectively (Grant & Gino, 2010).
Experiencing gratitude is one component that contributes to the fostering of positive feelings, contributing to one’s overall sense of wellbeing. Emmons and McCullough (2003) examined the emotional benefits of gratitude and the link to wellbeing. Additionally, gratitude is connected to our self-esteem – Kong, Ding, and Zhao (2015) revealed a significant path from gratitude to overall life satisfaction through social support and self-esteem among undergraduate students.
Gratitude expression is uniquely important to psychological wellbeing and linked to enhanced positive emotions, resilience, better coping skills, and an improved ability to manage stress, and an increase in happiness (Sansone & Sansone, 2010. Wood, Joseph, & Maltby, 2009). Happiness is subjective; the essence of what it means to be happy will almost certainly differ depending on who you ask. What is more absolute is that we all want to be happy regardless of what our own definitions may be. Peterson, Park, and Seligman (2005) suggested the tendency to pursue happiness via the route of gratitude is a way to live ‘the good life’. This was compounded by Lashani, Shaeiri, Asghari-Moghadam, & Golzari, (2012) who concluded that gratitude can increase positive affectivity, happiness and optimism.
Gratitude expression correlates positively with self-reported physical health and, through the mediation of psychological health, increases healthy activities and willingness to seek help for health concerns (Hill, Allemand, & Roberts, 2013). Studies aimed at investigating the efficacy of recording gratitude yielded impressive findings in terms of positive subjective outcomes. Emmons and McCullough (2003) found that individuals who kept and updated gratitude journals on a weekly basis reported fewer physical symptoms while feeling better about their lives in general and more optimistic about the future.
For some, expressing gratitude does not come easily, even to those people who mean the most to us. Whether it’s a friend, teacher, or parent, the positive impact a little bit of gratitude can have, is immense for both parties. It is often the simplest of gestures that speak volumes in showing your gratitude. We all have people in our lives who inspire us and generally just make life better by being in it; here we will look at ways to express gratitude to those who should really hear it.
Words are powerful and the simplest, most direct, way to express gratitude to the people we may take for granted. Given proximity, a verbal expression of your appreciation in person is effective – if you can’t do it in person, make the phone call and brighten somebody’s day. Do spend some time thinking about what you appreciate most about your friends, teachers, or parents and draft a letter by hand, expressing your sentiments. While recognizing your gratitude is important – just writing it down is enough to make you feel warm inside – actually reading the letter out loud is worth so much more.
Gratitude can also be shown through creative expressions even if we can’t all be talented artists. It really is the thought and effort put in that counts. Often homemade gifts mean the most, a little bit of creativity goes a long way.
While choosing a gift aimed specifically at expressing gratitude, opt for meaningful over monetary value. Gratitude in itself is a gift but giving a thoughtful, personal gift that can be kept, displayed and treasured is something really special. Nothing like expressing your appreciation face to face with a gratitude visit. While expressing gratitude in person might be a big step for some, the gesture of going out of your way to tell someone how much you appreciate them is enough for everyone to feel the benefits.
The advice we were given as children when learning to cross the road, offers practical opportunity for living gratefully, moment by moment. (i) STOP: We rush through life and miss opportunities because we don’t stop to recognize and act on them. (ii) LOOK: We must use all our senses to enjoy the richness that life has given to us. And (iii) GO: We should do whatever life offers to us in that present moment. Sometimes that might be difficult, but we should go with it and do our best to enjoy every moment.
The positive impacts of expressing gratitude are long-lasting, grateful people and those who receive gratitude are likely to experience greater psychological, spiritual, and physical wellbeing.
Bhushan Lal Razdan, formerly of the Indian Revenue Service, retired as Director General of Income Tax (Investigation), Chandigarh. Post-retirement, he is actively associated with medical, educational, cultural and heritage issues and joined various societies and trusts to promote these objectives.
