Arranged to break

“If Khichdi is cooked in an utensil, it definitely cures people who are sick. And if Khichdi is cooked in minds, it definitely can make even healthy people sick”. Several married women on social media have one common narrative with regards to arranged marriage. “If my parents did not have forced me to get married to a wrong man, I would have excelled with a happier life and a career”. Are forced marriages by girl’s parents mainly the reason for the failed, short lived marriages in India? Instead of only blaming husband and in-laws why these Parents aren’t made accountable – who just want to parcel off their daughters to an eligible candidate instead of a compatible human being?

We must confront a brutal truth: suicides in India are overwhelmingly about men because of the failed marriages and the false accusations on men by their wives and the legal proceedings. Yet this reality rarely finds a space in media debates, government policies or public outrage. Why? Because society refuses to see men as victims.

We expect an equal contribution of men/husbands in household chores and raising children. Most of the husbands are voluntarily performing it, showing commitment, and contribute to a more balanced and satisfying partnership. Unfortunately we demand a strict action against man when he does something wrong but not the case when reverse may be true. Knowing everything we avoid seeing the crime of any woman. A crime needs to be punished, not a gender. If a man/ husband violates any court order then court gets very strict and even threatens to put him behind bars; like if he fails to pay a child support, whereas a woman who violates multiple court orders, there is no strict stand taken against her.

A recent survey conducted, where it was seen that 42% of the men took loans to pay alimony to their wives in the breakdown of the marriages. 29% men despite having no potential capacity had to pay the alimony to their wives. 26% wives got more alimony then the total assets of their husbands. 67% of couples reported that money related arguments were a major strain on their relationships.

With the changing time the system and the society need to change because a certain kind of bias in favour and against a certain gender is a serious problem, rooted in broader societal issues of gender bias and access to justice.

Mrinal Wokhloo,

Activist, TV Panelist)