Amanat: Call to Conscious Parenting

Parenting is a universal journey, yet it is deeply coloured by the cultural soil in which it is rooted. In the vibrant, diverse, and often complex tapestry of Indian and Kashmiri society, the act of raising children is a profound responsibility—a source of immense joy and intense anxiety. The modern parent, caught between traditional values and global pressures, often finds themselves at a crossroads. How do we raise children who are both grounded in their heritage and equipped for a rapidly changing world? The recent AMANAT event on child safety and well-being, organised by Thinksite and LearningLee, amplified this question, creating a heightened awareness and a renewed sense of urgency. The answer it implicitly offered lies not in extremes, but in a balanced, conscious approach that prioritises emotional security over achievement and resilience over protection.

The Perils of “Helicopter Parenting” and the Gift of Space

The term “helicopter parenting” may feel like a Western import, but the anxiety it describes is increasingly familiar in Indian homes. This is not about being “present”; it is about being anxious, intrusive, and sometimes aggressive. Picture the parent yelling instructions from the sidelines of a cricket match or micromanaging a child’s every homework assignment. This intrusive presence can be experienced by the child as profoundly as absence. The child’s unspoken message is, “I don’t want you here like this.”

The core issue is a fundamental reversal of roles. We often treat our young children like miniature adults, burdening them with expectations, while simultaneously infantilising our adolescents. The discussions at AMANAT on emotional well-being underscored that the correct path is the reverse: we must provide a secure, nurturing base for our infants and then, incrementally and with faith, grant our growing children the space to explore.

This concept is beautifully illustrated by the “glass floor experiment.” When a mother looks at her baby with a smile of confidence, the child feels safe to toddle across a seemingly scary glass precipice. But if the mother’s face reflects anxiety, the child breaks down, unable to move. This is the essence of being present: providing a safe, watchful space that communicates, “I have faith in you. You can do this.” It means allowing them to stumble and meeting their distress with comfort, not criticism. This is how resilience, a key pillar of the AMANAT Dialogue is built.

The Psychological Crucible: Ages 18 to 25

This philosophy becomes critically important during the transition to young adulthood, the college and early career years from 18 to 25. This is a phase of immense neurological change and identity formation. In the Indian context, this period is often fraught with unique pressures: the weight of academic expectations, the conflict between passion and familial duty. A parent’s role here is not to direct from the front, but to serve as an anchor. We must shift from being managers to becoming consultants, offering guidance when asked and providing a soft landing for failures. The secure foundation we build in the early years, as highlighted in discussions on child development, is what guides them through this turbulent phase.

Over the past decades, a global shift in societal values has negatively impacted children’s mental health. The rapid move towards nuclear families, the economic pressure for both parents to work, and the glorification of career success have frayed the social fabric that once supported child-rearing. The critique of institutional daycare for children under three is particularly potent, as it can raise stress hormones, leading to higher rates of anxiety and behavioural issues.

The Kashmiri Lens and the Call of AMANAT:

This is a delicate and complex issue. In Kashmir, with its unique socio-political challenges, the need for a secure emotional base is even more critical, as children often absorb the ambient stress of their environment. This is precisely why initiatives like AMANAT are so vital. The event did not just raise awareness; it raised expectations. It created a mandate for all stakeholders, parents, educators, and policymakers—to move from concern to concerted action. AMANAT reinforced that child safety is not just physical but profoundly emotional. Recognising the critical importance of the first three years is an investment in future mental health. This calls for stronger support systems, generous parental leave, and the involvement of fathers and extended family to ensure consistent, responsive care.

Grant Gradual Independence: From the playground to career choices, we must practice giving age-appropriate space. The professional engagements at AMANAT emphasised that building competence and confidence requires us to have faith in our children’s capabilities.

Redefine Success: We must move away from a narrow definition of success based on marks and job titles. AMANAT’s focus on holistic well-being urges us to nurture character, empathy, and integrity, the true bedrocks of a fulfilling life.

Be a consultant, not a manager: As your children grow, your role evolves. The event highlighted the importance of listening more than we lecture and supporting explorations that differ from our own dreams.

Strengthen the Collective Connection: AMANAT served as a powerful reminder of our collective responsibility. We must actively foster connections with extended family and community, creating a web of support that institutional care cannot replicate.

The mental health of our children is a reflection of the world we have built for them. AMANAT has lit a path forward. By consciously choosing to reverse the current trends, by giving our infants secure attachment and our older children wings of independence, we can answer its call. We can rise to the heightened expectations and work together to raise a generation that is not only successful but also emotionally whole, resilient, and capable of building a healthier, safer society for all. The task is not simple, but as AMANAT made clear, it is the most important undertaking we share.

Dr. Farooq Wasil, a published author, and an educationist, is Founding Director Thinksite Services Private Limited, a Srinagar based education services platform.