A voyage against tides

In my Bachelor of Education (B.Ed.) program, we introduced a student tracking system to identify trainees who had dropped out and encourage them to complete their degrees. During this initiative, I came across Nyla, a former student who had discontinued her studies. When I reached out to her, she revealed a heart-breaking story of betrayal, abuse, and societal stigma following her divorce. Her journey not only highlighted the challenges faced by women in conservative communities but also underscored the transformative power of education. Nyla grew up in a modest household in Kashmir. Her father passed away when she was six years old, leaving her mother to raise Nyla and her younger sister alone.

Despite the crushing burden of poverty, Nyla’s mother worked tirelessly as daily wager in JK Minerals Corporation to ensure her daughters received an education. She often sacrificed her own needs to buy books and pay school fees for Nyla, instilling in her the value of perseverance. Nyla’s childhood was marked by resilience. She often studied by candlelight after helping her mother with household chores. Her mother’s unwavering determination inspired Nyla to dream of becoming a teacher—a dream she pursued with passion and dedication.

At 23, Nyla’s mother arranged her marriage to Faizan, a man from a seemingly respectable family. Faizan was portrayed as educated and employed—a match that seemed ideal for Nyla. With hopes of easing her mother’s burdens and fulfilling societal expectations, Nyla agreed to the marriage. However, within weeks of moving into Faizan’s home, Nyla faced emotional and physical abuse. Her in-laws accused her of being “defective” for not conceiving quickly, despite Faizan’s undisclosed infertility. She was denied proper food, verbally insulted, and locked in her room for hours as punishment for speaking up. One particularly disturbing incident occurred when Nyla accidentally spilled tea on the dining table; her mother-in-law slapped her and forced her to clean the floor while fasting during Ramadan. Her belongings—clothes and jewellery gifted during the wedding—were confiscated under the guise of tradition. Despite the abuse, Nyla tried to make the marriage work for the sake of her mother’s happiness. She endured humiliation in silence and even suggested seeking medical advice together when conception didn’t happen. Faizan lashed out at her for questioning his masculinity.

Eventually, through a neighbour who worked at a clinic, Nyla discovered that Faizan had been diagnosed with infertility years before their marriage—a fact his family had deliberately concealed. This revelation devastated Nyla but also left her conflicted. She hesitated to leave the marriage because she feared societal stigmatization as a divorced woman. She worried about how society would view both herself and her widowed mother if she walked away.

When Nyla disclosed her mother about Faizan’s deceit and the abuse she endured daily, they approached the Mohalla Committee for help. Nyla’s mother, desperate to seek justice for her daughter, submitted a formal application to the local Mohalla Committee in the neighbourhood where Faizan and his family resided. However, the committee, expected to serve as a pillar of community support, exhibited a disappointing lack of resolve. Instead of confronting Faizan’s family or holding them accountable for their deceit and abuse, the members of the committee chose to remain passive. No one had the moral courage to speak the truth or challenge the influence wielded by Faizan’s family. Out of fear of damaging personal or social ties, they played a dual role—pretending to mediate while covertly encouraging Nyla’s mother to concede to the unjust demands imposed by Faizan’s family. They subtly suggested that she accept whatever terms the boy’s family proposed, disregarding the mental and physical suffering Nyla had endured.

Several months passed in futile meetings and hollow deliberations, but the issue remained unresolved. No sincere effort was made by anyone in the committee or extended family circles to invest their time, influence, or empathy toward a genuine resolution. Most relatives distanced themselves, unwilling to get involved in a matter they deemed controversial or inconvenient. The silence of the community, their fear of confrontation, and their apathy toward justice deepened Nyla’s sense of isolation. Her mother, though emotionally shattered, continued to knock on doors that never truly opened with compassion or purpose. Frustrated by this indifference and the lack of genuine support from relatives, Nyla eventually turned to the courts seeking justice on the grounds of fraud and cruelty.

She hoped that the legal system would offer her the justice and dignity that her community had denied her. However, the judicial process proved equally disheartening. Legal delays and repeated adjournments compounded her emotional suffering, dragging her through months of anxiety and uncertainty. Each court date brought with it a new wave of emotional distress, only to be met with deferrals that prolonged her trauma.

In the face of mounting psychological pressure and societal isolation, Nyla and her mother were eventually compelled to dissolve the marriage on the terms and conditions dictated by Faizan’s family. Despite being the victim of deceit and abuse, Nyla was forced to make concessions—not because justice was served, but because endurance had limits and survival became the only priority. The system, both social and legal, had failed her at multiple levels, leaving her to accept closure on unjust terms, just to reclaim a semblance of peace and start the long journey toward healing. Post-divorce life was equally challenging; she struggled with financial instability while battling feelings of worthlessness imposed by societal judgment. Her mental health deteriorated further when neighbours gossiped about how “no man would marry a divorced woman.” These remarks made Nyla question whether rebuilding her life was even possible.

When I reconnected with Nyla through our student tracking system, it became immediately clear how profoundly the events of her past had affected her. She had withdrawn from her studies, gradually stopped attending classes, and eventually dropped out entirely. Deeply concerned about her emotional and psychological well-being, I offered consistent encouragement, empathetic conversations, and patient guidance to help Nyla rebuild her shattered confidence. Slowly but steadily, she returned to the classroom—still carrying emotional scars, yet determined to reclaim her life.

Her academic performance began to flourish once again, and writing assignments on resilience and inner strength became a therapeutic outlet through which she rediscovered her voice and reignited her passion for teaching. In time, Nyla was appointed as a teacher, became self-reliant, and successfully rebuilt her life. Eventually, she found companionship again and remarried the right person—someone who valued and respected her for who she truly was. The couple was later blessed with a beautiful daughter .

Lessons from the Story

Nyla’s journey highlights several systemic issues:

Mandatory Medical Disclosures: Couples should be required to disclose significant health conditions before marriage.

Judicial Reforms: Expediting cases related to marital fraud is essential.

Support Systems: Establishing shelters and counselling centres can provide immediate relief.

Social Awareness: Combatting stigma against divorced women requires community education programs.

As educators and mentors, we must recognize our role in helping students like Nyla rebuild their lives after adversity—empowering them not just academically but emotionally as well.

{ Note: Names in the article may not be real}

Dr Showkat Rashid Wani, Senior Coordinator, Centre for Distance and Online Education, University of Kashmir.