A Thought-Provoking Dialogue

The Kashmir Care Foundation (KCF) is a non-profit organization dedicated to empowering students, young professionals, and researchers through access to mentorship, information, and guidance. By organizing interactive sessions and fostering community engagement, KCF supports individuals in navigating their personal and professional journeys.

On April 27, 2025, KCF organized an impactful session titled Balancing Success and Happiness in School Life. The panel featured Dr. Mushtaq Margoob, an internationally acclaimed psychiatrist, and  Ms. Sabbah Haji, an educator, community leader, and Trustee of the Haji Education Foundation. Dr. Altaf Lal, Founder and President of KCF, moderated the session.

A Thought-Provoking Dialogue

The session centered on a critical question: Does success lead to happiness, or is it the other way around? With over 200 attendees, including students, parents, and educators, the discussion delved into how to achieve a healthy balance between academic success and mental well-being. While the session initially aimed to address both school and college life, the dialogue naturally focused on school experiences due to the distinct differences in experiences and challenges faced by children in school compared to adolescents in college, the session focused solely on school life.

The speakers emphasized the formative role of parents and teachers in a child’s early development. As the first educators, parents shape children not just through instruction but through behavior, emotions, and their home environment.

Key Themes and Insights

1. Parenting and Early Childhood:

Dr. Mushtaq Margoob emphasized that a child’s development begins even before birth, shaped not only by genetics but also by the emotional and environmental conditions experienced by the mother. The early years—from ages 1 to 10—are a foundational period during which children internalize behaviors, habits, and values that define their personality for life. Toddlers, he explained, are not being "mischievous" when they act out—they are exploring their environment and expressing their innate curiosity.

Rather than reprimanding them, parents should model the behavior they wish to instil. Ms. Sabbah Haji supported this view and stressed the importance of holistic education, where learning is not confined to academics but includes emotional intelligence, ethical reasoning, and social skills. She emphasized the indispensable role of trained, empathetic teachers who guide children through this critical developmental stage by creating safe, stimulating classroom environments.

2. School Beyond Academics:

Participants collectively agreed that schools should be nurturing spaces for exploration and growth—not pressure cookers for performance. When education is reduced to marks and rankings, it often stifles creativity, curiosity, and emotional development. Children thrive when they are encouraged to ask questions, challenge ideas, and develop their own perspectives. The session advocated for play-based and experiential learning, highlighting how problem-solving, empathy, and critical thinking are as essential as academic knowledge. Schools must foster not just intellectual growth, but also emotional and ethical maturity.

3. Mobile Phone & Social Media Usage:

The alarming rise in smartphone addiction among children and teens was one of the session’s most urgent concerns. Panelists warned that excessive screen time—especially unregulated access to social media—has negative impacts on attention span, academic performance, and mental health.
To counter this, the following were recommendations were made:

First, children under 15 should not be given smartphones.

Second, older students should use phones under supervision, with clearly defined limits on usage.

Third, parents should also limit use of cell phones when they are with children.

Fourth, technology should be positioned as a tool for education and growth, not just for passive entertainment or social validation.

Fifth, parents and educators must play a proactive role in helping children develop healthy digital habits, and schools must integrate digital literacy as part of the curriculum.

4. Gender Equality and Life Skills:

The panel also highlighted the importance of cultivating gender-equitable homes. Traditional gender roles often limit the potential of both boys and girls. For example, domestic chores like cooking or cleaning should not be assigned based on gender—every child, regardless of sex, should be equipped with life skills that promote independence and shared responsibility. Providing equal opportunities for education, self-expression, and leadership fosters mutual respect and teamwork, laying the groundwork for balanced relationships and inclusive workplaces in adulthood.

5. The Myth of “Grades = Success”:

Dr. Lal used the term “gradism” to describe the societal obsession with academic performance. He emphasized that while striving for excellence is important and needs to be encouraged, self-worth should not hinge only on marks. Let us imagine “our” students that are in the high 90% bracket, but also have the best interpersonal, speaking, and writing skill.  When we accomplish this at scale with appropriate policies, systems and processes in place, the students from Jammu and Kashmir will prepare themselves as the best human capital for leadership roles in any field they chose to be in.

Ms. Haji added that success is multifaceted—some children excel in arts, others in academics or sports. Recognizing and nurturing individual talents is far more valuable than forcing a single definition of success. She explained that children should be allowed to follow their hearts and find their niches.

6. Encouragement Over Materialism:

Dr. Margoob shared two contrasting examples to illustrate the value of parental presence over material wealth. In one story, a labourer with limited resources spends meaningful time with his children, resulting in well-rounded, happy individuals. In the other, a financially successful parent fails to emotionally engage with their child, leading to feelings of neglect and behavioral problems.

The takeaway was clear: success is not just about income or accolades—it’s about creating balance. Being emotionally available and involved in a child’s life fosters a sense of security, self-worth, and purpose. Encouragement, time, and love often outweigh material gifts in shaping a child’s character.

Our Perspective as Students:

As students, many of us see success through the lens of academic performance—scoring top marks, doing well in exams, and meeting the expectations of our parents and teachers. For me personally, success means achieving good grades and making my parents proud. Their pride and happiness become my own, making their approval the most rewarding part of my efforts. In those moments, success and happiness feel deeply connected.

However, we also recognise that these definitions can vary from person to person. For some, success might mean following a passion in sports, art, or science; for others, happiness might come from feeling accepted, understood, or simply at peace. What we’re learning is that there’s no single path to fulfilment. Each student should have the freedom to define success and happiness in their own way—without pressure, comparison, or fear of failure.

Final Reflections: This session was truly enlightening. It underscored the pressing need to rethink our definition of success—not merely as academic excellence, but as a meaningful balance between personal development, emotional well-being, and a sense of purpose. It became clear that fostering such a holistic approach requires a shared commitment from parents, educators, and the wider community. Our children are more than students—they are the future leaders, innovators, and changemakers of our society. By prioritizing their happiness, nurturing their unique strengths, and supporting their growth today, we lay the foundation for a more compassionate, resilient, and balanced world tomorrow.

Moving Forward:  To extend the conversation, KCF and Thinksite (TSPL) will soon publish a non-paper written by subject matter experts. This document will explore systemic reforms in elementary, middle, and higher secondary education across public and private institutions.

Written by: 

Aaizah Maryem, Foundation World School, Badgam, Srinagar

Sajan Sharma, Haji Public School, Doda, Jammu.

Both are members of the Student Chapter of Kashmir Care Foundation.