A Journey to Reconciliation

I was teaching Educational Psychology to the BEd trainees enrolled with the Centre for Distance and Online Education. I told them to prepare a case study of deviant children. One of the in-service teachers pursuing BEd through distance mode was working as a private school teacher in one of the prestigious schools of the valley; shared a very interesting case study of a delinquent boy Mudasir (name changed) in her class.

When we studied the cumulative record card (CRC) of Mudasir, his previous academic records reflected that he was a brilliant boy but from the last few years his academic graph was showing a steep decline. His class teacher complained that he was not taking interest in academic and co-curricular activities. He had downsized his friend circle and suffered frequent emotional oscillations.

Physically he used to be in the class but mentally he was lost in some obsessive thoughts. Teachers were very irritated by his irresponsible behavior. He used to come late to the class, wore dirty uniforms, his nails were rarely trimmed, sometimes without a belt, identity card and books not arranged as per the class table. Many notes and remarks written in red ink in his school diary were left unreciprocated by his parents. After the administration of Prof A. R Rather’s dropout scale we labelled him a potential dropout. After studying the demographic profile of Mudasir he came from a broken family. Ahmed was living with his wife Zareena, two children Mudasir and Shafia and bedridden aged mother Hajira.

Zareena was an ego inflated lady who never listened to the good advice of her husband. Ahmed was in the habit of waking up at 4.00 am in the morning. He tried to inculcate this good habit in his wife and children but they were late risers. After offering Fajr prayers in the local mosque Ahmed used to get fresh bread and offer tea and medicines to her ailing mother. Meanwhile he used to make repeated requests to his wife to get up as children will be late for school, it was a daily routine but Zareena did not pay any heed.

The van drivers would make two to three phone calls to tell the parents that they are getting late. Zareena would make a lot of shouting and screaming to prepare the children for school, the last minute rush created a lot of chaos and confusion; frequently children would leave for school weeping sometimes without school diary, identity card, stationary items. Lunch was packed in a hurry which was not liked by children. There was a lot of blame gaming, arguments and mudslinging. In this atmosphere of confusion children frequently missed boarding their vans on time. Ahmed had no choice but to drop them at school.

Consequently, he was marked late in punching his biometric attendance and he was often served with explanations which proved detrimental in his career mobility. Ahmed never took a lunch tiffin as his wife did not bother to prepare the same. Despite Ahmed’s mother needing a caretaker, Zareena took a job in a private organization on a meagre salary. After office she used to waste significant time on visiting shopping malls and boutiques. Ahmed managed and tried his best to maintain the family equilibrium.

He tried to talk to the parents, brother and sisters of Zareena to counsel her but they never took the matter seriously and ignored his phone calls, instead they added fuel to the fire by creating a lot of misunderstanding in Zareena’s mind.  She did not care about her own children and would leave them for hours at the tuition center. She never received her husband with a smile and would always hunt for an excuse to ignite a fight.  After completing the dinner or breakfast the dining cloth with used utensils remained there for hours, Zareena would be busy speaking on phone to her distant relatives.

To avoid clash Ahmed would clean the used utensils, broom the floor and spread the beddings. She lacked a sense of responsibility. During holidays and weekends she would visit her distant relatives leaving children and her ailing mother-in-law at the mercy of her husband.

She did not keep the things in order Ahmed had bought an electric lunch box, its wire was missing. Clothes were bundled in a haphazard manner; it was very difficult to locate a particular cloth. No decluttering had been done for years. Despite paying hefty school fees, van fee and tuition fees, children were not growing on the right lines. Lot of aggression and obstinateness mirrored their behavior.

Zareena did not make optimum utilization of the resources. Despite her husband admonishing she would throw household garbage in the open drainage outside their house which choked the pipe. Every morning after coming from Fajr prayers Ahmed had to pick the solid wastes accumulated in the drain with his own hands to unblock the drain.

Zareena looked unmindful. The leftover food, vegetables used to remain in closed shelves for weeks without disposal. The bedridden mother pained when Zareena used to curse and use woeful language against her husband. One day an ugly episode took place.

Zareena was busy serving guests to her brother and sister-in-law. Zareena’s mother was not feeling well. Phone calls were coming from all sides that she should be treated by the best physician in the valley.

Meanwhile Ahmed reached home, he warmly welcomed the guests. Zareena was about to leave with his brother to seek an appointment for his mother from a doctor in a private nursing home. When Ahmed entered into his mother’s room she was not feeling well and suffered painful pangs in silence. Ahmed was pained to see that Zareena had served stale food and cold soup to her mother despite the fact many dishes were prepared in the house for guests.

He could not control his emotions; he wept bitterly and called Zareena back. He slightly slapped her in front of his brother. She raised hue and cry and left for her parental house along with the children. Next morning Ahmed received a call from the concerned women’s police station, his wife had charged him with domestic violence.

Zareena was accompanied by his younger brother and elder sister. To play the tool of victimization she had carried her two children. She threatened him that she would lodge a formal complaint with his employer and get him suspended. Zareena’s brother was pressing for lodging an FIR against Ahmed.

The responsible police officer did not find any weight and coherence in Zareena’s argument. She advised her to reconcile for the sake of children. But Zareena was not ready to listen. She took the support of witchcraft and black magic to harm her own husband, this turned her a pauper. She now struggled for a single penny. Months turned into years. Everyone was fed up with her nonsense repeated stories, they excused her on one pretext or the other. She received rebukes in police stations, court rooms because her argument was not justified. Meanwhile Ahmed accelerated in his career mobility, his humility and cool nature was liked by all. One day Zareena picked up a quarrel with her sister in law.

Back home Zareena’s brother told her that she had made their life hell and cursed the day he supported her despite knowing the reality. Everyone was having a cordial relation with their spouses.  In a family get together she saw her younger sister taking care of small needs of her husband, she prefixed her name with sahib.

Recalling her own days, Zareena remembered how she ignored her husband for hours and left him unattended when he visited his in –laws’ home. Behind the closed doors she heard the whispers of her own siblings against her. She had failed at all fronts; there was no light at the end of the tunnel. Just as it seemed Zareena’s world was about to collapse, her wise and elderly grandmother in the nineties, a woman who had seen the trials and tribulations of life, decided to step in. She accompanied Zareena to Ahmed’s office. Ahmed was moved to see an elderly lady in her office. Zareena went back to her home and never repeated what had happened in the past. It was a new spring in their life with a lot of promises.

Zareena was now a completely changed lady. She understood her responsibilities. Ahmed adopted the strategy of forgive, forget and move ahead. Both parents prioritized the education of their children and with the passage of time they showed a significant acceleration in their academic trajectory. Zareena took care of the small needs of her mother-in-law and received a lot of blessings from her. Henceforth there was much prosperity, happiness and blessings in their family.

(Note: Names in the article may not be real)