A Journey of Gender and Equity
The name I got at birth translates to "Wish," reflecting my mother’s hope that a boy should have been born instead of a girl. It was on that day I first became familiar with gender, not naturally but through life’s circumstances. There was an occasion when I thought it would be okay to take up a job during the hours I felt I didn’t need sleep, but it was a slap of reality across the years of my life. I had lived so far, anticipating that no one could pull me back. It wasn’t long ago that I was burdened by the thought of growing up and leaving home a child stepping into the grown-up world.
This was followed by the thought of a girl moving out of her home. I left a note for my parents that simply said, "to trust with trust," asking them to trust me. But what kind of trust was I really asking for? Was it the trust that I would remain the same child they had sent away, or that I wouldn’t give in to things that could compromise my character? I still recall that growing up meant not being able to join a group of boys playing football; it didn’t work like that in the world I was in. There was a time when I struggled with weight and wanted to go around campus with my football shoes in my bag, hoping that society was accepting enough of a girl wanting to kick a football and be included.
But it never worked like that a girl couldn’t just walk into a group of boys playing football simply because she wanted to get fit. This was the time that followed my first encounter that I became aware of the word "gender" and the realization that I was stepping into a world that was not so individualistic, but rather gendered.
Days unfolded into months, and seasons changed. Over time, I figured out the reason for making my gendered world an individualistic one. The stories of the past spoke to me, and I realized that the present would hold inspiration for me to grow and glow as a woman of these times. Time is a disguise in memories and occasions which unfold into events. The aspects of my life were shaped by the need to be "man enough.
" Biologically, there are differences between a man and a woman, in terms of both brain and body, which vary from genetic makeup that is ‘XX’ in females and ‘XY’ in males. For example, white matter in the brain is more abundant in females, supporting higher-order reasoning and thinking, while visual and coordination centers may work relatively better in males. Given these differences, which have existed since the times of evolution, the distribution of power and work came forward in such a manner.
The place I come from is divided into three subdivisions: Kashmir, Ladakh, and Jammu. As a kid, I once traveled around only to find that the place I come from barely had any females as the face of the city. However, right across my hometown, situated 619 km away a day’s drive was a place where females functioned as the faces and pillars of society, making it a matriarchy in modern times. To speak the truth, I was fascinated. Every other shop I visited was managed by females who embodied resilience, confidence, and comfort.
As I grew older, my reflections on these experiences began to shape my understanding of societal roles. I noticed how societal changes influenced everyday life, from the growing presence of women cycling to work, once a rare sight, now a common occurrence, to the broader societal shifts that allowed greater freedom for women. I have vivid memories of a significant moment in Delhi, where I encountered a female pilot for the first time. This experience was a revelation, demonstrating that even the sky wasn't a limit for women.
It underscored a profound truth: our limits are defined by our vision, and expanding that vision allows us to achieve dreams we once only imagined. The belief is that the limit is defined by our vision, and if we expand our vision, we experience things we once only dreamed of. Dreams are an ideal experience because they are thought through before being realized. The diverse cultures of the world are self-explanatory, and sometimes a society functioning on terms of equality is all we need.
Diverse cultures come with diverse responsibilities, which are assigned to respect both genders. But present times are witnessing a change, which comes with both positives and negatives. As the quote by Plato states, "Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder." The beauty of diverse jobs assigned to genders makes up society. A man is no longer restricted to fighting wars; he can be part of the world and fight his battles in life. A woman no longer needs to fight for her rights; times in all cultures assure her of those rights.
The differences between genders have existed since the dawn of time, but these distinctions don’t change the stories of both sides overnight. Rather, it has taken years, with each day shattering another brick of sexism, laying the foundation for a world where it’s no longer just about men and women, but about everyone for themselves. In primitive times, men would hunt for animals to provide for their families, while women stayed home to cook the meal brought back this is when gender roles were unconsciously rooted, based on biological differences.
Over the years, these biological differences have evolved and, in certain places, have been broadened. Even in the present day, we see how few of our previous generations of women started their education and are now taking over the world. We are all familiar with the quote, "To educate a woman is to educate a nation." Times have witnessed a significant change from not allowing women to pursue education to seeing them take over the world.
The journey hasn’t been easy, and it still isn’t. If we look at it broadly, a woman shouldn’t have to fight for what is inherently a human right rather than a woman’s right. The problem isn’t that change isn’t happening fast enough; the problem is that, even in the 21st century, women still must fight for rights that should be recognized as human rights for all. When you analyze it, men and women are meant to do similar things, despite the natural differences that have always existed. Growing up, I always wanted a remote- control car with a fancy Barbie driving it in space. That might sound normal today, but the times were different, and even dreaming of such things required encouragement and courage.
The traditions of the place I come from taught a girl to stay home and take care of the family. However, my grandmother broke that chain by starting a business in apple orchards, and my mother ensured that education was her priority. The thought of my grandmother starting her agricultural business tells me a lot about her culture and the stereotypes she broke to get where she did from her garden to the gardens of the world, which cherished the fruit she grew. As mentioned, there haven’t been many generations that have broken the chain of women being just homemakers.
However, the change has begun a shift from working at home to providing for homes. It would be a lie not to mention that even now, I sometimes fear that my story will end with me breaking the chain, only to return to being a homemaker rather than someone who lives the life she always dreamed of. The thought of becoming a mother is now a secondary consideration for many women, unlike in past centuries when they were restricted to staying at home and producing offspring. Yet, in the present, we still witness the grace with which women carry the responsibility of being the ones chosen by God to give life and manage lively affairs.
Even today, we see how women are often underpaid compared to men, a disparity rooted in times that failed to challenge the misguided belief that there isn’t a major difference between men and women, except for biological ones. A woman is just as capable as a man of managing the affairs of a nation.
According to a survey conducted by the Pew Research Center, 69% of both men and women believe that women make equally wonderful leaders, leaving 21% still clinging to the outdated notion that men are the superior sex. The debate about gender roles in some places is closely tied to geography. There are places that might seem to exist in a parallel universe, but they exist in the same world as ours and are known as ‘matrilocal societies,’ where kinship is passeddown through the maternal line, unlike the customary notion where extended families are established through the groom’s family.
It's intriguing to imagine a society run by women a ‘matriarchal society’ where decisions are made by females, and the economy and rules are shaped by them. It might seem like flipping a coin, but the story behind it still holds relevance today.
In 1861, Swiss anthropologist Johann Jakob Bachofen wrote about how the formation of matriarchy stemmed from ‘hetaerism,’ where women initially held no power. To take control of their lives, properties, and political power, and to reclaim their families, they fought back to claim what should never have been a "female right" but a human right claiming what was rightfully theirs. Now, consider the changing times, where childbirth is both a celebration and a source of mourning in different places around the globe, a planet still debated over whether it's flat, oval, or imaginary.
The other day, I read about a mother in India who killed her newborn daughter, her fourth child, out of fear of societal norms and the stigma that came with having another girl. Her family reported the baby’s disappearance, and the police eventually found the newborn dead in a bag. The mother broke down, admitting she was scared for her life and didn’t know how to cope with a daughter who would be treated inhumanely.
In stark contrast, if we take a flight to Sweden a 10-hour journey we find a government that allows parents to work from home until their child is 18 months old, with reduced working hours and up to 80% pay while on leave. Once the child turns one, daycare assistance is provided, among other benefits. These benefits aren’t just for women; they’re part of the quest for equality. The primary process of childbirth, which often forces women to stay home and care for the baby while also managing work, shouldn’t place all the responsibility on the mother. Men are encouraged to step forward as equal partners, supporting the process of raising a child. Sweden isn’t a distant planet miles away, but its policies of equality might make it seem like one.
